Beyond Redemption by Marcello Degliuomini - Short, Thriller - With all eyes of the NYPD out in force. A cop killer retreats into an apartment building, where he faces the uncertainty of his mortality. 28 pages - pdf format - pdf, format

Marcello,

I was a quarter of the way into your script and all that had happened was some guy shot some cops and now he's holding two people hostage in their apartment.  I need to know why he shot the cops earlier in the script.

Work on your grammar too.  You need to learn the difference between "your" and "you're", "there" and "their", "who's" and "whose", "lye" and "lie", and "fare" and "fair".

Because of the bad grammar the whole script is difficult to read.  The story itself is a little unrealistic too.  

Fortunately you write dialogue pretty well because that's the only thing that got me to the end.  

Jordan

Thanks for the read Jordan. I appreciate the feedback.

I was tossing around the idea of the story taken place after a bank robbery. Where the lead ends up shooting his way through. Eventually retreating into an apartment building, where he holds up and takes hostages.

If I would have decided on that, it would have definitely cleared up any confusion on why the cops were after him.

Instead I invited that confusion. I wanted the reason to be shrouded in some kind of mystery until it was revealed on what his true intentions were in the first apartment.  So I took out the robbery concept and adopted a new one as I was writing it.

Then I did the complete 180 with the story.

As for the grammar. Your 100 percent right. I looked back and saw a few mistakes after posting it.  Combination of two things. Me relying on spell check and not double checking if that's the proper spelling for that word. And my own foolish haste to rush a short out.

I was actually going to post my feature first. which surprisingly is a comedy. I'm in the midst of playing with genres. Even though I went kinda dark on this one. I wanted to use this short as some sort of measuring stick on how my writing can be improved.

Appreciate the read and the feedback

-- Marcello