I don't have the most experience with screenwriting (so take this for what it's worth), but there are a few things that sort of jump out to me.
Logline: I think you might be able to re-work this and make it a bit more direct.
Example: "A rough and tumble teen lead's one small town's fight against a horde of vampires" Obviously that example is not a great logline, it's just one way to make it a bit more direct.
Formatting: I'm not going to pretend that I'm particularly qualified to give formatting advice but there are a few things I've spotted that many folks would see as red flags (so these are just a few things to think about).
Camera directions such as "FLYING POV SHOT" are usually frowned upon (there are exceptions like if your directing it yourself). I've also spotted a number of "we see" or "we approach" type stuff which there is no law against using but if you can get away with dropping the "we see" stuff your usually better off.
In any case hopefully when I get some time, I can give it a full read (I do like a good vampire story). Cheers |