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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Series  ›  Dead Aim Moderators: bert
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Don
Posted: September 17th, 2016, 8:39am Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Dead Aim by Farrquan Graham - Series, Horror - Dead Aim is an Horror Series that revolves around an cast of characters that are placed in a world of witches, undead, werewolfs, suprer natural science, technology, etc. But the story will follow the rise and fall of Officer Joseph Spartan, a veteran of Iraq War and his life that revolves around "Death". - pdf, format


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Female Gaze
Posted: September 17th, 2016, 9:17am Report to Moderator
Purple


It's not who will let me; It's who will stop me?

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Whoo! You got a lot going on in this! Just from your logline alone..this sounds fun but hectic.

Maybe tighten up that logline a bit.

'A was veteran tackles the super natural all while coming at odds with 'Death''

I wont know until I read it.
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Female Gaze
Posted: September 17th, 2016, 9:31am Report to Moderator
Purple


It's not who will let me; It's who will stop me?

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OK. I started reading and where do I start.

One thing to note....this is 76 pages. 70 is pushing it but man..76. I really hope that it will be worth the page count.

The formatting. I guess you don't have any software yet. Try celtx or my new favorite Writerduet. It will do all that pesky formatting for you. Which I think you might find will make your 76 pages more like 80 and you don't want that.

The introduction of "The Council", a conglomerate of the Rich and Powerful
with influence in the business, technology and science world. Spear headed
by Conny Rice, named the title "World's Most Powerful Woman". Her brand
expands around the world from pop-culture, business, media to politics.
Eastwood Pharmaceuticals, Southern based company, owned by Cotton Eastwood
a desperate old man who looks to save his family owned business established
threw a merger under Conny Rice's brand. Formed alliance with Priest a
Priest's family and Cotton Eastwood's family has ties since 1800's.


Dude what is this? This is one heck of an info-dump. And the crazy thing is everything that you jam in here and in those other info-dump paragraphs are actually really interesting. You would have been better off showing all of this instead of telling. That's what makes compelling T.V.


So, as I was reading, I noticed I was reading. This show just screams(sorry) good campy horror fun. But work on that formatting and making cuts and I think it could work.
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