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Ms Dependable by Calvin Walker - Short, Drama - A woman known for getting it done is left with her hands tied when her sister turns ill. 16 pages - pdf, format
Calvin - there is a lot to like in this. I do think it could be trimmed a bit and the ending is a little limp. But once you got going - I thought you displayed some nice talent. There were just two areas where I think clarity is needed. Unfortunately - one is the opening:
Quoted Text
INT - MYA’S OFFICE- DAY MISTI DRUMMOND, female mid to late 20s, enters the office with flowers. MYA TURNBO is an African American female, early to mid 30s, caramel complexion with a bob or a short cut. Mya sits behind her desk. Plaques adorn the wall. Misti sits the flowers on Mya’s desk.
This was confusing because it is kind of backwards. You go (1) character walks in office (2)a character is in office (3) describe the office. I think it works better as the inverse. something like:
INT - MYA’S OFFICE- DAY
Small but business like. Plaques adorn the wall.
MYA TURNBO, African American female, early to mid 30s, caramel complexion with a bob or a short cut sits behind a desk
MISTI DRUMMOND, female mid to late 20s, enters. She has flowers in her hand. She places them on Mya’s desk.
Used your words - just flipped the sequence to show logically how it would appear on film.
Quoted Text
INT - HOSPITAL - FAMILY/WAITING ROOM Mya, CHANCE TURNBO, CHARITY TURNBO, EDWIN HASKIN AND YVETTE TURNBO are situated in the family room. Dr. NICOLI JAMES stands before them to brief them on Alyssa’s situation.
This is confusing. A difficult challenge when introducing many characters at once. Have them do something or at least gives us and age.