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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›  New Life Moderators: bert
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Posted: January 22nd, 2017, 4:23pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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New Life by Steven Wood - Short, Sci Fi  - In a world where suicide is outlawed and death is treatable, Robert must deal with his new profession as a Contractor. Someone who re-kills people brought back to life after a suicide. 13 pages - pdf, format

Writer interested in feedback on this work



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RichardR
Posted: February 4th, 2017, 12:03pm Report to Moderator
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Some notes.

I like the idea, and I liked how it opened.  The problems come a little downstream.  The voice overs are basically info dumps, and I think you might try to incorporate that info into the action and dialogue.  The way I understand the story is that once this guy rejuvenates, he can't work for the company.  So, he freelances as a killer of people who fraudulently got the treatment.  You might want to explain why dying naturally outranks suicide since death is death, but I'll accept that premise.

Also, I think you might want to have the marks put up a better fight.  Hide better, defend better, make Robert work for his money.  He is, in effect, a modern day bounty hunter.  So, put some obstacles in his way.

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Richard
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Steven
Posted: February 7th, 2017, 9:52am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from RichardR
Some notes.

I like the idea, and I liked how it opened.  The problems come a little downstream.  The voice overs are basically info dumps, and I think you might try to incorporate that info into the action and dialogue.  The way I understand the story is that once this guy rejuvenates, he can't work for the company.  So, he freelances as a killer of people who fraudulently got the treatment.  You might want to explain why dying naturally outranks suicide since death is death, but I'll accept that premise.

Also, I think you might want to have the marks put up a better fight.  Hide better, defend better, make Robert work for his money.  He is, in effect, a modern day bounty hunter.  So, put some obstacles in his way.

Best
Richard


Thanks for checking it out.

This is a feature I've been working on but have since took a break. I wanted to write a short version just as an exercise to garnered any interest.

In the feature, after the flash forward (same as in the short), we go back to the hospital and follow him home and see his first interaction with a couple of contractors. We also meet his brother (who he finds out later is one of these suicide cases, but decides not to kill him and they go on the run).

I show his first contract job, so obviously things don't go well, etc.

I know the concept is a little out there, or weird, but I think it works, and obviously the "rules" of this world will be laid out a little better in the feature.

The procedure used to be free for people that commit suicide. So, the terminally ill would kill themselves so they can get the procedure for free (it would otherwise cost them). Record numbers of people did this, and came back to life. Thus resulting in the need for New Life to hire a third party contracting company.

The procedure in a nano-bot tech, that can heal the person in real time. If there is an accident, the tech does nothing. Each patient is monitored (via the different colored eye) and the action resulting in the injury is reviewed. The healing process will begin if the wound was self inflicted. This is done as a motivation to fulfill payment.


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