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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Horror  ›  Remee
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  Author    Remee  (currently 104 views)
SimplyScripts
Posted: May 13th, 2017, 2:33pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Remee by Richard Russell - Short, Horror - A young boy tries to determine who is more important-mom or dad-with the help of a clown. 7 pages - pdf, format

Writer interested in feedback on this work



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LuisAnthony
Posted: May 14th, 2017, 1:05pm Report to Moderator
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This was very interesting.

You did a very good job laying down some questions in the beginning, and when the answers finally came in the last couple of pages, it was a nice payoff.

I like the dynamic that Timmy has with the clown, the conversation was interesting and easy to follow.

The end was creepy, works for me.

Best of luck,
Luis
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Reef Dreamer
Posted: May 14th, 2017, 3:08pm Report to Moderator
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where's my simply scripts thong?

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creepy clown stuff, always seems to work, although one feels that the evil clown is a well worn path

strangely, on finishing the read, i feel there was a lot this premise could offer - as almost this was an intro, rather than a story

the dad part was perhaps a little distracting - is he alive, is he real, is he home - but then never seen

i liked it, but in some ways it could deliver more

got potential -

i will say this, it is very contained, so a classic low budget horror-ish short. should be picked up, by a student like producer

all the best


My scripts  HERE

The Elevator Belonging To Alice - Semi Final Bluecat, Runner Up Nashville
Inner Journey - Page Awards Finalist - Bluecat semi final
Grieving Spell - winner - London Film Awards.  Third - Honolulu
Ultimate Weapon - Fresh Voices - second place
IMDb link... http://www.imdb.com/name/nm7062725/?ref_=tt_ov_wr
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