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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Action / Adventure Scripts  ›  Cassandra
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  Author    Cassandra  (currently 156 views)
Don
Posted: August 6th, 2017, 10:21am Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Cassandra by Corazon - Short, Action, Drama - A 16-old, orphan girl goes in a journey against the mob to find her missing friend. 7 pages - pdf, format

New writer interested in feedback on this work


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Simon
Posted: August 31st, 2017, 1:20pm Report to Moderator
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Do you need the exclamation marks in scene 2? They seem out of place, and you shouldn't overuse them. I don't know what you mean by 'hirroes'. You mean 'hurries'? Wow, things really escalate on page 3. Does that kind of thing happen in America?? It seems a bit ridiculous to me. You write quite well, (other than when you make occasional grammar and spelling mistakes) but your style is really crazy. At least don't go from 0 to 100. Where did Angelo get a missile launcher? Tone things down! Your script kind of ends for no reason, as well.


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EscapeVelocity13
Posted: September 2nd, 2017, 3:52pm Report to Moderator
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“Cassandra” Review

Okay, I agree with the previous post. This thing just escalated out of nowhere. Plus, some of the spelling is off. One of the first scenes is the main character going up against a group of people. This kind of thing tends to come last. I had to stop reading as it resembled things done previously, and the fact that, for me…I think, if this young lady can eliminate a whole room of folks, she has little to no competition in that area. I’ll try and give it another crack later…but would suggest with this early review to continue working on this, as it could end up being a fun script with some work.
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