At first I thought this was a treatment.
Just a few suggestions and opinions for you.
I would suggest that you look at a few screenplays to get the idea of formatting down first.
A lot of readers will not even give you a chance if they open up your screenplay to see it is not properly formatted. So I fear you will not get the reads you are looking for and the feedback you desire.
The scene numbers should be eliminated.
A screenplay needs Slugline/Scene Headers for locations.
Characters need to be introduced on page and a little description about them would also be helpful to the reader.
There was a speaking character named SHIP TWO.
I wasn't sure if the ship itself was speaking or if it was a commander of it.
A parenthetical falls between the character and the dialogue on a separate line.
I hope some of this helps.
Again, check out some screenplays for proper format and then resubmit it.
This could be a cool story.
You can do this. Never stop writing. Never stop being creative.
Best of luck to you with your current and future projects.
All the best,