Decimation Wednesday by Norman Crane - Short, Horror - A man is selected for decimation by the Department of National Sustainability. 4 pages - pdf format

New writer interested in feedback on this work, please be nice

I love this little ditty. It shows how society just does as it is told by those who decide they know what is best for us. Artistically written and poignant.

I enjoyed this one too. You've created quite an unnerving dystopian world here - It feels like there is a dark comedy to society's acceptance of this culling.

Possibly needed a little bit of detail on Willoughby - perhaps his age, his appearance - just helps with visualisation. Though I did get that he is just an average guy.

I liked the casual formality Willoughby's wife showed to the situation, but just wonder whether you could've shown an undercurrent of sorrow in her. Or maybe is this world that's just how it rolls.

Also, I think Willoughby has one last comment in him. Particularly in response to -

DR. JANET P.
You'll barely feel a thing.

Maybe perhaps -

WILLOUGHBY
But I like feeling things...

Just something to sum up the dire situation this society has implemented.

Anyway, well written - a good read!

Well written, good story, satisfying ending...

Nice job.

This would be great as an Outer Limits or Black Mirror episode.

Giving an age to Willoughby and his wife would help set the mood.
If he's 90 and he's going in for decimation, that's one thing.
If he's 33 and going in for decimation... that changes things a lot.

I like the wife's nonchalant manner. Sending him in to work on his decimation day... damn. That's cold.

I wish the method of decimation was a little more intricate though. I guess a shot makes sense in this world of... meh... but I was hoping for some sort of contraption, pod, room... that he would go into or interact with to do the deed.

If you wanted to go darker then you could have a machine like at the optometrist where you put your chin on the thing and they scan your eyes. But instead of it scanning your eyes, a bolt used to kill cattle punctured their skull. It would be even better if it was self operated.

Walk up to the machine, put your chin in the cradle, make sure it's aligned, press the button...
Buzz... whirrrrr.... click... POP!

The body drops down a trap door and the next person steps up after an attendant wipes the bolt down with an alcohol swab to prevent the next person from getting infected.

Thanks for the read.

-Jordan