12 Feet Deep by Josh Luckett - Sci Fi, Horror - The is a story of a group of teenagers who are trapped within a school, after cincinnati has created a new dam and resevior.(This is not the final copy> I am just sending it to see how yall like it. Please send me your thoughts) - html format.

Hey everyone. This is Josh the writer. I feel this script has a good plot and good story line, but it still needs a whole lot of work. This is just the first draft so don't be to harsh. Thanks for taking the time to read this and my wonderful script.  -Peace-

Josh Luckett   

Marc:

1. The opening was good.  Very much an attention grabber.  The scene discriptions were good, too.  The dialouge seemed a bit forced. 

2. On the nit-picky side, the formatting and minor spelling issues are a little off putting.  You might want to take a look at the formatting section now that you have gotten your ideas out of your head and on to paper. 

2.a. I know, you want comment on your ideas, not your spelling or formatting, but how you present the script helps people to read it.

3. This little exchange here was clever, but it seems like there is more going on between Tomilton and Combs (I know, why explore their characters more because in a few minutes they get sucked into the water. but is Combs the excitable type and is Tomilton's reaction to the "Aye, Aye" annoyance?).

  Dr. Tomilton: Check the periscope

  Dr. Combs: Aye, Aye

  Dr. Tomilton: You know Dr. Combs; I'm a scientist, not a captain.

more later,

Hey yall I'm back. Just want yall to know that I'm working on a new version of 12 Feet Deep. Its off the chains. I'll holla at yall when its done. -Peace-

Nothing against you Josh, but this script is totally haywire in my point of view. It's got a good story, but your format is cr**. The dialogue is cr**. And I find no point in putting **** for every swear word.

How old are you?

Anyways, your characters are okay, but their dialogue isn't. It reads out to me like monkeys having an argument.

I know I might be harsh to you, but you need work.

The dialogue shouldn't be on the very left side of the margin.

                                                 It should be five tabs, and then the character's name... and 3 tabs for the dialogue

The plot of your script was good though, don't get me wrong. This wasn't a bad script, but the formatting, characters, and dialogue add up to poisoning a wonderful story.

1.5/5

I notice you are rewriting this... Good luck, sir...