Apocalypse by Tanner Murray - Horror - During the winter months a meteor hits the Earth. Leaving a small group of survivors on their own against a nation filled with flesh craving Zombies.  - rtf format.

Tanner,

Please fix the formatting and re-submit your script.  I tried to give it a read but it's too difficult to follow in the current RTF file- it's all messed up.

This was good, really good. The ending was such a great twist and I didn't see the one who survived actually surviving, good twist.

I liked this script.
The ending was great.  I won't say what happened because I'll spoil it, but it really got me going.  It makes you mad.
The one scene with the rednecks is pretty sick.  Cool, but sick.
I wish the one person at the end hadn't died.  THIS IS A BIG CLUE TO THE WRITER!!!  Any way, i liked it
EVERYONE SHOULD READ IT!!

cool another zombie script.  I wrote one too if you're interested in reading it.  It's titled, DEAD OF NIGHT.  I will read your script and give you my thoghts.  Best.

Arturo - Enigmawriter

Very well written. I'm not a zombie movie fan myself, but this one really got to me.

Some obvious errors in spelling, but that's just nitpicking.

The ending was great, although I think a tad too brutal and unpersonal.

Definately good stuff, I hope you write another draft.
If you want, I could provide more tips.

I just finished your script.  It's actually pretty cool and interesting.  The thought of a meteor landing and everybody panicking is a good suspenseful moment.  There are some spelling mistakes.  Trust me, if you show this off to an agent or someone you want to pitch it to, they will just dismiss it because of the spelling error and grammar.  For your next draft, look for those grammar and spelling mistakes.  

Also, try to limit yourself from using ANGLE ON, or any other director descriptions.  Try to use a smarter way to show what you see, and you'll notice that you will get better at description.

Your pace is very good, but I would have lasted a little bit longer in the shelter to show us how bad it is spending so much time in there.  

The ending was surprising, I like that.  Good work, keep going.

Enigmawriter

I really appreciate all the reviews and advice. I am doing a rewrite right now. Hopefully I can get it finshed and posted soon.  

Okay. This was okay, but you people are calling it the best and I think you're totally wrong. If you wanna see the best zombie script I am going to suggest some of. R.E. Freak's scripts. Those are the best.

I liked this screenplay and as a big time consultant on another fantastic and brilliant zombie screenplay that floated thru here a short while ago, I was very surprised at how well this one was put together.  It was kinda refreshing for the genre and in that same respect kinda the same ol' same ol' too.


I think the spelling mistakes are only due to a 1st draft.  I'm sure that these will be fixed and you know what?  I don't think they were all that many, but I'm a sucker for spelling things wrong and getting periods and other such things wrong.  I try to make sure enough people read my screenplays, so they can point the mistakes out to me and I can fix them.

I do however have to agree with "Looking4ascript" this is not "THE" best zombie screenplay on the board.  I do believe even stacked up against "COFFIN CANYON" R.E. FREAKS screenplays are brilliant.  I don't think there is anyone who knows the genre better than him... well, on this board anyways.

I wanted to say that the ending was good, but I didn't find it to be "AS" good as a lot of you folks did.  I would be a fool to go against the grain here though and say this screenplay wasn't great!  

Good job and I can't wait to see more from ya.

J.D.

Well done.

Eventhough this may not have been the most original idea out there I was impressed with how you used a small amount of undead to get your point across. That's one thing I think is over looked in the movies, "how in the h-e-double hockey stiocks did there get to be so many of the undead?" In the city it makes sense, but in the country it doesn't fit.

And about the ending? I loved it. Just the fact that a story ends without the happy ending is great. The world dosen't have happy endings very often, why should movies?

I would switch up some of the scenes with the rednecks. Keep it on track. Tarantino can do that because he's Tarantino. I like how they get held-up somewhere though. It keeps the pace catching up to them, panicked. Nice.

Another idea? What happens to animals during this Apocalypse? Any mad cows? I'm sure they'd get attacked. Might be humorous if nothing else? Something different.

Work on the dialogue too. No biggie, early draft. Try reading it outloud.

Overall, nice job.

-the Ninja

OK...
Now, I thought the script was alright... But, it was also trash....
1. The characters emotions are pretty weak. OK, A family of a father, son and daughter see some guy kill a zombie fles monster thingie, and they act a bit scared, but after 5 mins of reading it goes:
INT.HUMMER
    Madison yawns and wakes up she stretches she sits up striaght.
MADISON
What's going on.
    Right when Madison is done with that sentence a splatter of blood hits the window next to her. Madison jumps,
MADISON
Another one of them?
ROBERT
Yep,
MADISON
Oh,
    Madison falls directly back asleep.

^^^ WHAT WAS THAT ALL ABOUT?

2. The grammar and spelling are atrocious, I was actually gonna ask the guy if he wanted me to edit it.

3. Very confusing to read, change the format please!!!!

The ending was good though, and if the above were fixed, it would be really good.

Sasha Aleksov

Thanks for the review if anyone is interested I am writting the second draft right now to the script, if you'd like to read what I got so far PM me.

Very Well Written!! I loved this script, the only reason I read it is because all the reviews saying that it was such a good twist and it was pretty good I was expecting a bit more though!! Good Script Keep writting!!