Old Shuck by Martin Lancaster (Der Spieler) - Short, Gothic Horror - A young doctor sets up practice in a remote English village, a place steeped in myth and legend. The locals live in fear of an ancient and deadly curse, the curse of the spectre hound.   Dogglebe's Halloween Writing Exercise entrant - pdf, format

Wow! This was amazing. I loved it.
Poor Matilda. She did need some looking after.

I couldn't find anything wrong with this script. As I read, I was just so into it, amazed by the quality of the work, especially in the short amount of time to do it.

I wasn't able to pull this one up. I have no problem with any of the others. I received the following message:



Bad Request
Your browser sent a request that this server could not understand.
Client sent malformed Host header

Apache Server at simplyscripts.com

I fixed the link.  Apologies.

http://www.simplyscripts.com/scripts/Old%20Shuck_Final1.pdf

A big wow from me too. A very impressive offering (even though it lacked the dog run). It had distinct voices, a mystery, a plot and subplot, and great characters. A big thumbs up here.

Hmm...no dog run here.  But, damn...we have gothic in spades!  Very well done on the tone.  You really nailed it.  I know who wrote this one.

(SPOILERS)

*  What is up with the Barman?  Is this guy a pirate or something?  I mean, at one point he actually says, "Aye, that be right."  OK, in fairness, I see later that you are doing dialects throughout.  That's actually pretty cool on a "playing-around" piece like this.
*  I see what George meant.  You are really telling a complex little story here.  I'll bet you already had something like this in mind for a while and then adapted it for this contest.  Extra kudos if I am mistaken on that.
*  The dog has crazy eyes -- then -- when he puts on his glasses, they have returned to normal.  Great.  That is the kind of detail that really sets a script apart.
*  Dammit.  What is with the vague ending?  Man, this story could have had an excellent and very visual payoff and instead you gave me a head-scratcher.  I mean, I think I know what happened, but I am not sure, you know?  And I feel like I should be.

So, anyway, this is a great, great job.  Really impressive.  I am only beating up on the ending because I am pretty sure I know who this is, and because everything that went before it was so very excellent.

re: "no dog run here."  This is why I waited until the exercise closed before posting.  I thought that 'a dog run' was open to interpretation.  Honestly, my first reaction was a dog racing track until Phil clarified that.  However, if the script was gothic in nature and had a dog and the dog ran, that fulfilled the spirit of the topic.

Don

The only one little thing that I could pick on in this is the line before the montage.  Something bothered me about how that scene ended and then we're right into a montage over six weeks time.  I think all that might be needed to fix that (for me, anyway) is one line of description describing the good doctor's reaction.

But yeah, really good stuff, especially the tone.  Right away, it's got that kind of Sleepy Hollow/Dracula feel that we all know and love (maybe).  I really liked it.

Oh and I certainly know who wrote this.    

Awesome description. I don’t know what else to say about it. It was exhilarating. I love it when a writer accomplishes that perfect balance between novel-like description and the more quickly flowing scripted kind. It’s like getting a rush.

I could just tell it was going to be good right off the bat. I love the imagery it painted as well. The setting, still pristine with its sixteenth century history, made me long for Merry Old England! What beauty is described here.

Great characters, realistic dialogue. Very fine work. It was a real pleasure to read.

Breanne

A stunning piece of work with spectacular descriptive imagery.  The dialogue was all sharp and realistic throughout and the way that you put so much thought into the descriptions of settings but keeping it minimal was fantastic.

The story was powerful but the ending somewhat let me down.  Like Bert said, somewhat of a headscratcher but I'm pretty sure I know what happened.  Besides that, everything else was top notch, very professional.  I'm pretty interested in knowing who wrote this, but I have an idea.

I kinda figured out who the rapist was as you didn't introduce too many characters.  Other than that, it was a nice story that could be fleshed out more.  The scenic descriptioins were very nice (probably your strong suit here), though at the beginning, I wasn't sure what century this story took place.

Yeah! Well developed script but I've a doubt about the century the story took places. It seems to me going back (Matilda) and fowards (Marcus). Sorry, but in my head Matilda is in the past time and Marcus is in the present time...Anyway, it is very good work and needs to be noticed by new directors around there.

Thanks everyone.

Bert- the bartender was supposed to be Yorkshire, based on the landlord at a pub I used to frequent. I can see how he sounds a bit 'pirate' though

I hadn't planned this story beforehand but I did spend a little while plotting it and reading up on the legends behind it.

Helio- I had planned this as a period piece but later changed my mind. It was all supposed to be present day but I can see how that is unclear.

Anyway, thanks to everyone who read this. I'm flattered by some of the comments here.

P.S. Can the person who voted this thread 2 out of 5 provide some criticism to go with it?

Thanks

Quoted from Martin P.S. Can the person who voted this thread 2 out of 5 provide some criticism to go with it?

Martin,

This whole thread rating system just doesn't seem to be working.  I think the only people who use it are those who either really, really like something or try to sabatoge anonymously, so I've turned that functionality off.

With regard to Old Shuck, everyone's comments regarding the fantastic imagery I also echo.  It was very evocative of a small, New England town or an small Amish town where, to me, the 19th and 21st centuries blend.  Also, like everyone else, the ending was a head scratcher.  

Don

Thanks Don. I wasn't trying to instigate change or anything but I was never a fan of the rating system either.

The ending was a head scratcher for me too . I didn't really know where it was going until I hit page twenty and had to wrap it up.