Walken on Sunshine - Print Topic

Hey Mike.  I don't have much time, but I wanted to read it so I just buzzed through it fast without taking any notes.  It is really very good.  This is some of the best dialogue I've read from you, and those that know will know that is saying something.

There was one part with one of the guys doing a handpuppet thing that I did not understand, and another part during the checkers game where I think you got some names mixed up so it seems that Chris is playing checkers with himself.  But again, I was reading fast, so it could be me.

I will probably have more for you sometime later.

But this is recommended reading, big time.  Funny, funny stuff here.  And everybody loves Walken.

That was a good read. The walken dialogue, very good. Christopher Walken impersonations have to be my favorite impersonations. In Australia there this okayish Skit show called 'The Wedge'. They did this skit called 'Cooking with Christopher Walken' and I think it is the best christopher walken impersonation i have ever seen.

Bert,

Thanks for the feedback so far, and for the insight you provided in the earlier stages.  I can see how the hand puppet thing is a little confusing.  It's basically supposed to be a mocking thing, and he moves his hand around as if he were wearing a sockpuppet on it, but he's not.

I checked out the checkers thing, and I think I found the source of your confusion.  Chris is playing with someone else (George), but he doesn't talk.  He just kinda sits there with his lip quivering.

Thanks a lot for the recommendation too, and for the comment on the dialogue as well, even if a handful of the lines can't really be attributed to me.  That means a lot.

Ape,

Thanks for checking it out.  Didn't realize that you had written "Footloose" until I saw your response earlier.  I see a lot of people do Walken impersonations, and I just thought it'd be good idea to take it a step further in this regard.

Thanks again to both of you for your comments.

Ok, I took a few more minutes to finish this up over lunch.  It’s still gonna be rapid-fire though.

With Spoilers:

I caught (and love) the blink-and-you-miss-it homage to “The Cabin”.  Jerome either comes around to the idea too fast or he needs to show more enthusiasm -- one or the other.  Love the name Haywire.  There only reason there was not a character on Hee- Haw named Haywire is because nobody thought of it.  The sockpuppet still seems silly, even the second time around.  But the checkers game is fine.  What is Dr. Bobbo wearing?  A suit or medical scrubs or what?  I might lose the references to actual movies -- Wedding Crashers and Envy -- as part of the charm here is recognizing the references without them being force-fed to us.  But maybe they are OK, too.  Ask somebody else what they think about those specifically and see if they agree.  The trip to Big Bob’s seems expendable.  The big joke there isn’t as fresh as the rest of this.  I am pretty sure it is “Hoo-Ah”, not “Hoo-Rah”.  Check on that.  And at the very end, they shouldn’t “shuffle off”.  They should run.

And there you have the remainder of my comments.  Again, like this one a lot.  Gotta’ run.

Good job, Mike.

I'm afraid it wasnt' a feature script. Why, were you lazy? More 60 pages and done, man! The ass shining in the moonlight was a sharp joke. I don't know, but I laugh a lot with nuts stories. Okay, I know it is polictly uncorrect, but to do what?

Hey guys thanks for looking, again where applicable.

Bert, you're right on Hoo-ah, I don't know why I missed that.  I tried to keep the actual movie references to a minimum, but I thought the ones I used ended up working with the flow and explaining how Chris got there, and also gave him a reason to kick them out.

The Cabin reference is the second one of I've used.  I'm hoping the first one gets filmed.

Bobbo was supposed to be wearing a suit, I guess I forgot that part.  Big Bob's yeah, I could definitely shorten it to the point where Bob confirms the paranoia about the crack team of lawyers.  The last bit is all working toward the gag that isn't necessary.

Helio,

When I got to the end of this, I knew I could justifiably turn it into a feature, where the spend they rest of the movie filming more.  But then I thought that Chris may get a little old after awhile, and I'd have to reintroduce another conflict.  It could probably be done, but right now I'm not sure.

Anyway, thanks again guys.

For me it continue to be a nice premise: Two "moviemakers" trying to get money filming a nuts that believes to be Christopher Walken.

Maybe I've to agree that it has to find another conflict, but maybe Jerome and his partner find a way to kidnapping Chris in order he plays the real Chris' role, cause Chris realy looks like the famous atcor. D'you know what I mean?

It could be great mainly if this your premise should fall in the hands of the real Mr. Walken in order he play that nuts role!

Hey Mike,

I swung by here while I was at work and caught a glimpse at the title of this one. That alone made me chuckle.

As usual, the dialogue is top notch. I felt it took a while to get going. You could maybe tweak some of the dialogue in the opening scene and work in a little more comedy, or trim it down and move things along a little quicker.

Once it got going, this script was pretty damn funny. My absolute favourite part was Dr. Bobbo. Hilarious. I think that scenario may have been done somewhere before but you pulled it off nicely. His frontal lobe obsession cracked me up.

I think the ending could use a bit of work. It felt kind of rushed, but then there's an epilogue that felt out of place. Once the debt is settled, it feels like you need to wrap things up pretty quickly, since that's your central conflict resolved. Maybe you could tie Walken's escape into the visit to Big Bob's and tie up everything in one big set-piece. I dunno, just thinking aloud. I was expecting fireworks :)

Anyway, great job with Walken. I liked the references, especially cowbell.

Nice work.

Martin,

Thanks for the feedback. You make some great points. In regards to the ending, I originally planned to end it at Big Bob's, but then I started to anticipate possible comments and questions about Chris and Haywire just disappearing and what not, so I took it that little bit further. You're suggestion would definitely make it tighter.

The Walken quotes were a lot of fun. A lot were from memory, and some were from research, but the really fun part of it all was figuring out how to use them, and when. My favorite is the one from Annie Hall. Hopefully you know which one, or I may have a good trivia question on my hands.

Thanks again for the read.

Hey guys, I decided to come back here, because I remembered the dialogue between the two moviemakers, Jerome and Alex:
JEROME
Fine. Now we need to come up with
something that we can do fast and
cheap.
ALEX
How bout that zombie movie?
3.
JEROME
I said cheap.
ALEX
What? You buy a couple cases of
corn syrup, some red dye, and hire
a dozen people to walk around
really slowly and moan. Then you
hire a girl, put her in a house and
have her scream a lot while the
zombies bang on the windows.
JEROME
That?s the dumbest idea I?ve ever
heard.
ALEX
I just described half the zombie
movies ever made.
JEROME
What else you got?
ALEX
Anyone submit a script lately?
JEROME
Just one, but we?re not using it.
ALEX
What?s it about?
JEROME
Honestly, couldn?t tell you. I
stopped reading when I saw
something about an ass shining in
the moonlight.
ALEX
Ok that?s out.
They think it over for a moment. Alex leans forward in his
chair.
ALEX
Ok, how bout this? You got this
guy right, and he?s a barfly, no
purpose in life at all...
JEROME
I?m listening.
4.
ALEX
...And one day after a bender, he
leaves the bar and he?s sucked up
into a spaceship and taken to
another dimension.
JEROME
Why are you throwing out sci-fi
ideas? I told you cheap.
ALEX
This coming from the guy who
dropped two grand on an alien
movie.
JEROME
Hey, I didn?t buy that stuff. You
might as well tell me that you want
to cast Christopher Walken too.

It is a good example that many writers here have to follow.

Most of us want to see our piece filmed, doesn?t matter by whom, but filmed. Most of us forget a simple thing that to be considered very much: BUDGET.

So, please when you are putting down any idea, remember that just ?wannabes? will be interested on to shot your script and won?t have any money involved and if so just enough to do the basic that?s all:

- 2 locations maximum (no big cities dowontown/ NY, LA, Bagdat - Shops - hospitals - army headquarter - Nasa etc
- No more than 5 characters
- No tech on it
- no animals either its trainers
-etc

Remember that, folks! BTW, I'm forgetting: if you write your idea just for fun and to improve you writing, so let your imagination fly around the sky!

I found this script to be something of a let-down, Mike. I read the premise a couple of days ago and was only able to get to it now. I was expecting a lot more. I was expecting an interview of a guy who thought he was Christopher Walken. Instead, I read a story about a couple of bumbling film makers who briefly talk to a guy who quotes Christopher Walken.

Research Walken! And I'm not referring to his movies, but to who he is. Find interviews with him and go from there. And don't make it so friggin' goofy. Leave out Bobbo and Haywire; they do not for the story.

Phil

I guess it shows how subjective comedy is. Bobbo and Haywire were the funniest characters IMO.

And wouldn't a crazy guy who thinks he is Walken base his personality on his movie persona rather than his real life. Makes sense to me.

And Mike, it's been years since I saw Annie Hall. I think I missed the reference :B

Quoted from Martin

And wouldn't a crazy guy who thinks he is Walken base his personality on his movie persona rather than his real life. Makes sense to me.

I would think he would form a personality on Walken's real life, even if it's not accurate. If Chris thinks he Walken, and knows that Walken is an actor, why would he develop a personna based on characters that he played.

If I thought I was Schwarzenegger, I'd be talking about how to help California. I wouldn't be running around, saying, "I'll be back!"

Good reference to The Cabin!

Phil

Phil,

You make a valid point.  I think it would probably take away a little bit in terms of the comedic value of the script, but it's valid.  There is a slight reference to his rumored presidential run, and his quick mood change when told how bad Envy was, that could possibly pass as real life, but you're absolutely correct that this was more "movie based".

The Cabin thing came rather easily.  Given the context of their discussion it just felt right to use it.

Thanks a lot for the read.  It's defintely been awhile since I've gotten a comment form you, and it's much appreciated.

EDIT:  There was one interview that I had read where Walken expressed his desire to play a regular guy.  Wife, kids, dogs, family.  The whole bit, maybe a little singing and dancing.  I just couuldn't find a place to use it.

Martin,

The Annie Hall reference is near the end of the script.  "Driving into oncoming traffic".

Hey Mike,

Even though this is really flawed it also has a lot of funny moments.

I liked the "ass in the moonlight" line, that Cabin refrence was funny :D

The way Chris's is basically quoting lines from Walken's movies was funny as well, especially the cowbell line, that was my fav sketch on SNL(until I saw lazy sunday, I think that's the best skit now)

There is some stuff that isn't logical, like there is no way a mental hospital would let two amature film makers film there, even under the threat of being sued, plus there are mounds of papers you have to sign when doing stuff like that.

I also wish there was more with Walken, maybe a little more of his personality than with his quotes.

There should have been a dance sequence as well, I know Chris is loves to dance, I think that would have been funny.

all in all it was fun with some good dialogue which is always your strong point. anyways keep up the funny shit :D

Jordan,

Thanks for the read. I was aware of dotting the i's and crossign the t's in terms of signing documents and what not in order for them to film there, but I didn't think it needed to be shown. Maybe I can make reference to it.

The dancing did cross my mind, but int kinda fell in with the interview I had read where I couldn't find a good spot to use it.

When you say flawed, what do you mean exactly?

Thanks again.

Quoted from Shelton

When you say flawed, what do you mean exactly?

like how easy it was to film inside a mental hospital, I think that process would be really difficult with all the laws and logistics, maybe there is away around that, it didn't bother me really just an observation. And how it's mostly an interview, I think it would be more fun with Chris doing stuff, he has so many mannerisms, characteristics. I think there is a lot you can do with him, plus I would love a dance sequence, that would be classic Walken.

maybe it would be funny if this guy was really actually Christopher Walken, don't know that would work, just a thought

Hey, this is my first comment since i am new here. Just finished reading your script and i liked it. I especially liked the light hearted tone to it which made me laugh. What i really enjoyed were two references in particular. 1.The Pulp Fiction ass reference. Hilarious and 2. The Catch Me If You Can referece about the mice. Nicely Done.

Robert,

Thanks for the feedback. Glad you enjoyed it.

I got to say i read this at 4 in the morning because i couldn't sleep, but i think i woke everyone up with my laughter and the funny thing is i'm not even in my house, it's my girlfriend, so her parents are might be mad with me.

When i read a script i always think of who shold play the characters, and with this one even though i'm tired i was still thinking of people. But no "big names" come to mind except one. For Haywire i see (although not big but known) Chong from the cheech and chong movies. I know this is impossibly now but Chong was he was younger, would have been perfect.

Also you pick the best celeb to write about. Mainly because we have all seen a Walken movie and his voice is something to remember. In fact when people, like my friends, talk about hiding something i think about walken in pulp fiction.

THANKS FOR THE READ AND THANKS FOR THE LAUGH

Shogun,

When I read your first sentence, I thought you were going to thank me for curing your insomnia. :)

Anyway, thanks for taking a look at my script. I'm glad you enjoyed it. As far as casting goes, I usually don't think about it. When I write a character, in my head they more often than not look like a total stranger. I guess that's why it's so fun to manipulate them.

Mike,
  I read your script an hour ago, and spent the following hour trying to remember my password so I could comment on it.  First, this should be easy as pie to film, and I want to see it ASAP. Once you find someone who looks nothing like christopher walken (an I think that's important), and who can do a spot on impersonation, It's a movie that will make anyone laugh.  You should think about casting "Chris" as a bald pudgy black guy.  Or someone equally as physically the opposite of Walken.
Secondly: The comedy. I question the part about the soilent green beef jerky. You might like it, but I thought it was the only thing in the screenplay that wasn't funny.   also the part with Dr. Bobbo...very funny, but the patient in an insane asylum pretending to be a doctor bit has been done many times before.
Thirdly:  A successful comedy has to apeal to the masses. The masses are comprised of mostly idiots... like myself.  I speak for the masses...this was funny and easily translated to video. Please get this on film, and I look forward to reading your other stuff.

dan

Huckleberry,

Thanks for taking a look and I'm glad you enjoyed it. As far as being easy to film, I make a habit of making most of write I write being this way so that I can easily market it. So far I've had some success, but I hope it keeps on going.

The Soylent Green part I can agree with. It was a rather long buildup to a small payoff, but that can easily be cut. And yes, the patient as doctor part has been done many times before, but I think it works in this context.

As far as getting it on film, that's not up to me, for I am but a humble writer.

Hi Mike,

Just read your script and found it extremely funny. As a Frenchman I'm not very aware of every Walken's expression (though I love that guy), but I guessed Chris' every lines where from Walken's films. The whole beginning made me think about Steve Martin's "Bowfinger" character. I loved the Dr Bobbo (you should know in French, "bobo" is a child word for "it hurts") and IMHO you should keep the Soylent Green reference.

Again, your dialogs are brilliant and vivid, and the script flow very easy to follow.

A good one.

Michel 8)

Michel,

Thanks for reading. You're right, a good portion of Chris' dialogue is from Walken films, probably about 75% of it. I can definitely see where you're comign from with the Bowfinger reference, since they end up having to make the film guerilla style.

The Soylent Green referecne has more or less gotten a 50/50 response. I'm not sure what I want to do with it yet. Don't know if the extension of that scene is really worth it.

Hey Mike,

this one is Bert's recommended reads for the week!

I've read the first 11 pages today... thought I'd mention that here to help bump this up! I like it a lot so far. Will finish tomorrow probably.

I haven't forgot about "The Blue Note" but when Bert speaks, I listen.. so this one will get the review first!

:-)

Hey Mike,

I read this one a couple of days ago. I also read the first 35 pages of I THINK I LOVE MY WIFE by Chris Rock that same day. I didn't even chuckle once at Chris Rock's script, but I did at yours, so you can feel good about that. :-)

I agree with the others that your dialogue was great. The jokes themself I have a feeling I missed a bunch of them. Sure I know who Walken is, but I don't know him enough to be able to pick out qotes and stuff. I agree with Jordan and Phil that you might want to add some mannerisms of his to go along with the quotes and I would have LOVED for him to do a little dance routine while at the hospital.

Here are some nitpicks and spoilers:

Nice use of Alex's dialogue about the credit fugitives twice.

The Cabin reference was hilarious of course, even if it is an inside joke.

Why did you write INT/EXT CAR when the scene only takes place inside the car?

Why is there a scalpel in the drawer? No doctor would keep one in a drawer. Especially not in a mental hospital. They don't do a lot of surgery there, unless you intended for that to be a joke in itself.

I'm pretty sure it's preposterous and not perposterous. :-)

I did not have a problem with the sockpuppet btw.

Anyway, this was a quick and fun read. Your style is lighthearted and never over the top. It should have appeal to a larger group of the masses.

Gonna get to that play next. May be a few days, I've been busy writing lately.

Hey Mike. Not sure how I missed this one but since it's been bumped, I thought I'd check it out.

I liked this one a lot. The premise is simple but goes a long way. Like you said, everyone likes Walken. I thought the dialogue was very clever. Chris is basically spouting off Walken lines but all of them make sense in the context of the conversation. Like I said, it's a simple setup but each line goes a long way. I saw the Pulp Fiction line coming a mile away though. I knew it had to pop up somewhere and it's placement was, to say the least, appropriate. Not everything I found funny was Walken related though. The Soylent Green gag was great and I think you'd be hard pressed to find someone who doesn't love the Cabin reference (unless, of course, they aren't familiar with its, ehem, "brilliance" ::)).

There are a few things I think you could fix. What is Haywire contributing to the making of the film? Why do they agree to bring him along so quickly? How does Bobo get into Ander's office? Why is there a scalpel in Ander's desk? I think a letter opener would be more likely. These are all questions I think would be easier to answer. I also thought the ending was kind of a copout. It just didn't seem likely so many people would be willing to pay for five minutes worth of Chris footage. What if the secret service paid off these guys in order to cover up the Walken campaign? That seems like a more interesting twist to me. Anyway, do what you like. That's just my opinion.

Anyway, I really enjoyed this one. Thanks, Mike, for bringing a little "sunshine" to my day. The weather, as of late, hasn't been great for April.

Pia and James,

Thanks for the read.  I'm glad I can contribute to Bert's "free of suckiness" claim.

Some responses...

Pia,

I guess I can take some comfort in teh fact that you got more chuckles out of my short than something that's been produced.  I'm sure the writer of I think I love my wife laughed on his way to the bank though...haha.

I tried to use as many references as I could that would make sense in the context of the conversation, not only to prove Chris' obsession, but to hopefully give all of the readers somethign as well.  Some are obvious and some aren't, but I had fun finding them and making them work.

Whenever I write a car scene, whether it takes place ientirely inside the car or not, I always use INT/EXT.  I've read that this is acceptable, and also gives the director an option should they actually want to shoot from the outside.

The scalpel was something that just got away from me I think.  I knew what I wanted to do, but I guess i took the easy and not overly realistic way out.

Yeah...that's a spelling error.  Kinda surprised that the software didn't catch that one.

I just hope my work will one day have the chance to appeal to the masses.  I think it's getting closer though.

James,

Thanks for the compliments.  I'll address your questions.

I had intended Haywire to be a lackey or boom mic holder or something along those lines, but as I went along I thought that maybe he's the kind of guy that would offer to help just so he could go along but then contribute absolutely nothing.

Bobbo got into Dr. Ander's office...through the door...hahaha.  Sorry I don't have a better answer.  I just went with the "Get in late, get out early" method.

Pia mentioned the scalpel too.  That was just me falling victim to convenience over reality.

The ending is a little abrupt, I agree.  I think I mostly wanted to re-establish the "Everybody Loves Walken" theme, and avoid going to 40-45 pages.  I've toyed with the idea of continuing the story at some point and turning it into a full feature, but I think I do that with all of my shorts in the 30 page vicinity (I think I have two others around that length, definitely one).

But anyway, thanks again to both of you.