Making Whoopee by Michel J. Duthin - Short - Toni is back again and now she drives a car. Get out of her way! 6 pages - pdf, format 8)

Nice joke, mon ami!

The frog riddle was very funny..."It is green." Yes, yes. I know, it'is a frog" hahaha! It was the best part of the script.

I have to ask myself whether there are women like Toni around there, because I never saw a dumb woman like Toni in all my life. Ohmy!

BTW, there is more cab's tales (by me, Zingo and Spencer) scripts inside my thread.

Meu amigo,

unfortunately there are. This story is based on a friend of mine real character.
By chance, she's the only I know around me, but she's very sweet.I'm making fun of her, but tenderly. I hope you can feel it in my story (as in the other one "Kiki and kisses")

Glad you liked it.

Michel 8)

Hey Michel,

Again I had a little laugh at the end of this one.  If you do know someone like Toni I bet you have a good laugh when she's around!!

Michel

Some funny moments in your short. For me, however, this story jumped throgh major blocks of time. For example; how can you crash your car, find true love, a marriage proposal-acceptance, then time to get drunk before the cops show up. Needs more pacing. You might have your character become anomored with each other and simply walk away from the crash with goo-goo eyes to a nearby park where they pop open the bubbly, get highly drunk, then agree to marriage after a steamy roll in the pine cones under a big tree. One more thing. When you describe the guy you say he is like a surfer model in a magazine with black hair. Could happen and most surfer models from california are blonde. Keep writing and I will keep reading.

Spencer

Hey Spencerforhire,

I think your missing the point of the ending, well as far as I can see anyway.  I think the whole point of the proposal and subsequent alcohol is so Toni will be drunk when the police arrive and thus placing blame on her for the accident.

I think that's right?

I thought I'd read something short, so this one caught me.

I will say I was a little thrown off when it ended rather abruptly, but then after thnking about it, I got the joke. I thank you for not just giving it away but forcing us to consider what just happened. Since it is like a joke, I'll forgive a lot of the oddities that went on such as the improptu proposal and Toni's warped driving style.

You had some grammar issue here and there, but it wasn't to distraction. You do need to continue to work on your English so the dialogue isn't so stilted. Overall, it wasn't a bad job.

Is that really a picture of Toni??

This was a charming little short. Didn't have too many grammer or spelling problems, but there were a few errors here and there and the dialogue was a little wooded and stilted in places, as George said above.

Overall, a nice job. It does exactly what a good script should do: entertain. Congratulations.


Cheers, Chism.

Hey good job on the short, like the frog riddle, I didn't get it my self. Good thinking

hey everyone,

first of all sorry for the delay but I was REALLY busy.

Thank you for your reviews, I'm glad you appreciated my little joke.

Quoted from Lee Hey good job on the short, like the frog riddle, I didn't get it my self.

At least this one had a meaning. Not like the elephant one.

Thanks Alffy for defending my cause. You're right. The final joke is that the man makes Toni drink so she will have all the griefs for the accident.

Quoted from George Willson You had some grammar issue here and there, but it wasn't to distraction. You do need to continue to work on your English so the dialogue isn't so stilted.

Yes George I know. That's why I keep on writing even for those kind of silly jokes. Bert once told I was improving my English. I'm doing my best.

Quoted from Ayham Is that really a picture of Toni??

Not exactly, but she's the one I imagined for my story.

Michel 8)