Island of Fire - Print Topic

Posted by: Don, July 3rd, 2009, 12:23pm

Island of Fire by Earl J. Mullen - Thriller - Island of Fire is a supernatural thriller that takes place in the Philippines, the Island of Siquijor, and Manila, SEPHERI’EL is a Female Angel from the Celestial order, who loses her memory after a conflict with DETINOS the evil demon god the Principality of the region. 87 pages - pdf, format 8)

Posted by: Dreamscale (Guest), July 3rd, 2009, 1:40pm; Reply: 1

Earl, you don't like using periods, do you?  Your sentences are nonstop run-ons.  Look at your synopsis...it's a perfect example.

In your actual script, I didn't see a single time that you used 2 sentences together, in a paragraph.  What I mean, is that you simply wrote 1 long, run-on sentence combined by incorrectly used commas, and called it a paragraph.

Sorry, but this alone is way too much of a problem for me to read any further than a few pages.

Maybe English isn't your native language?  I don't know, but I don't recall ever seeing so many run-on sentences in my life.  Give it another look  and clean this thing up.

Posted by: dogglebe (Guest), July 3rd, 2009, 1:49pm; Reply: 2

I don't think that English is the first language in the Phillipines.

Phil

Posted by: Ledbetter (Guest), July 3rd, 2009, 1:58pm; Reply: 3

Tagalog is the primary,

English-secondary

LED.....><

Posted by: Dreamscale (Guest), July 3rd, 2009, 2:20pm; Reply: 4

Do they use actual sentences in Tagalog, or are run-ons the way to go?

Posted by: Ledbetter (Guest), July 3rd, 2009, 4:28pm; Reply: 5

They use sentences. Much like in english.

I am not sure why the 70 commas per paragraph.

LED.....><