Tools by Rebekah Hay (rdhay) - Short, Comedy -  A pen and notepad come to realize that they are only any good together, and even then… 3 pages - pdf, format 8)

This was a cute piece, Rebekah.  Unfortunately, it fell a little short for me.  The dialog between the pen and paper was a little too direct.  On the nose.  I think if you added another half page of dialog--some banter--I would've felt for for the characters.


Phil

A nice little story, I thought this well written. Good job at creating a short from a pen and notepad.

Steve

I'm sure in the other thread there was discussion about the title.  I think I like the old one better

Rebekah,

Are there any changes in this script from the "Pen Pals" thread?

E.D.

You could have just submitted this under the title pen pals and let Don know this is a revised version.

Gabe

Sorry Rebekah, not too fond of this rewrite. i liked the old title better. as dogglebe mentioned, the dialogue is a bit too direct. it doesnt read well for some reason and feels rushed.

if i were you, id leave this alone for 2 weeks. then come back and take it in an entirely new direction. furthermore, the fan still doesnt talk so i'd try experimenting with his character. perhaps the pen and notepad could gang up on the fan because he's old and weathered...but reliable. or something along those lines. make use of an object that will NEVER be replaced by technology. like a screwdriver for example.

hope this helps.

I liked the old title better....