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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board / Short Scripts / beans
Posted by: Don, December 24th, 2011, 2:42pm
beans by Anthony Wood - Drama - After a spell in prison, Paul is reunited with Simon. They make a vow to go straight, but within seven days, their plans and their worlds fall apart. 61 pages - pdf, format 8)
Posted by: Forgive, December 29th, 2011, 8:03pm; Reply: 1
Bit long for a short??
Full name are better when introducing a character.
Numbers generally used with a shooting script - not needed in a spec script.
p5 - might need a: Series of shots.
Got to pages 10, and it was very slow - there was only really two insights:
the guys being romantically linked, and Simon saying that Amy would run a mile if she knew about him. But that may be down to him possibly being gay.
I kind of wondered why he was in prison, but there's no suggestion this is central to the script.
I think you could have played some of this via a montage - would have given the same info, but moved things along more consisely, and would have given you a chance to give us some idea what the point was.
Fairly well written overall, but some of the dialogue, I felt, was a little over wordy - maybe just a trim here and there.
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