Apex - Print Topic

There isn't any need to place a character's name in uppercase after the initial intro. Not unless you are using the character name as a slug.

Drop the beat from the bottom of page one. You don't need it and it's US not British. Here, we use PAUSE.

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Camera cuts to a shot of his upper torso from behind. A ZIP sound is heard, BULLDOG smirks, fiddling with his hands off screen. The sound of liquid hitting the floor is heard, BULLDOG appears to be urinating. He nods slowly, sighing in relief. BULLDOG (CONT’D) Ah, christ, needed this. ZIP! Is heard again, BULLDOG turns around, the camera following him, still aimed behind his back.

There isn't any need to write things like 'Bulldog appears to be urinating' after describing him urinating.

Be very mindful of writing more than you need to. Describing the zip and then just say urine hitting the floor. There isn't any need to hint at it.

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The two men begin to wrestle

The two men wrestle. Or even... They wrestle.

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THE AMERICAN jabs BULLDOG in the ribs with a pencil, grunting.

He's just attacked with a knife but has a pencil as back up?

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THE AMERICAN I did. Back at the stream, you know, you should of asked me earlier.

Should have asked, not of. Unless you meant should've? It sounds like should of when said quickly, but it is in fact a contraction of should have.

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We see the abandoned living room

You do this all the way through the script, there isn't any need to write 'we see' or 'the camera does this', just write what we actually see without writing we see.

For example:

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INT. ABANDONED HOUSE- NIGHT We see the abandoned living room, trashed and dirty with no lighting, just the small natural light of the moon.

becomes...

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INT. ABANDONED HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT Trashed and dirty with just the natural light of the moon.

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The two men walk along through the kitchen

They either walk along or through. I think 'through' would be best here.

I don't think you've nailed it with this story. You're young and it's hard to tackle adult themes without the experience to back it.

You'd be better off writing what you know to begin with.