Apex by Nathan Hill - Short, Action, Adventure - In a post-apocalyptic world, the bulldog makes ends meet after a serious encounter. Part 1 of a short film series. 16 pages - pdf, format

There isn't any need to place a character's name in uppercase after the initial intro. Not unless you are using the character name as a slug.

Drop the beat from the bottom of page one. You don't need it and it's US not British. Here, we use PAUSE.

Code Camera cuts to a shot of his upper torso from behind. A ZIP sound is heard, BULLDOG smirks, fiddling with his hands off screen. The sound of liquid hitting the floor is heard, BULLDOG appears to be urinating. He nods slowly, sighing in relief. BULLDOG (CONT’D) Ah, christ, needed this. ZIP! Is heard again, BULLDOG turns around, the camera following him, still aimed behind his back.

There isn't any need to write things like 'Bulldog appears to be urinating' after describing him urinating.

Be very mindful of writing more than you need to. Describing the zip and then just say urine hitting the floor. There isn't any need to hint at it.

Code The two men begin to wrestle

The two men wrestle. Or even... They wrestle.

Code THE AMERICAN jabs BULLDOG in the ribs with a pencil, grunting.

He's just attacked with a knife but has a pencil as back up?

Code THE AMERICAN I did. Back at the stream, you know, you should of asked me earlier.

Should have asked, not of. Unless you meant should've? It sounds like should of when said quickly, but it is in fact a contraction of should have.

Code We see the abandoned living room

You do this all the way through the script, there isn't any need to write 'we see' or 'the camera does this', just write what we actually see without writing we see.

For example:

Code INT. ABANDONED HOUSE- NIGHT We see the abandoned living room, trashed and dirty with no lighting, just the small natural light of the moon.

becomes...

Code INT. ABANDONED HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT Trashed and dirty with just the natural light of the moon.

Code The two men walk along through the kitchen

They either walk along or through. I think 'through' would be best here.


I don't think you've nailed it with this story. You're young and it's hard to tackle adult themes without the experience to back it.

You'd be better off writing what you know to begin with.

Thanks for all the help, man! I just wanted to describe angles and shots, I just thought of a world and built on it, I'm planning on finishing the lore of the world off in upcoming scripts. Thanks again, I'm getting somewhere atleast!

Yeah, don't give up. You've got more courage than I have. I hid my work away for twenty years before having the courage to put myself out there. Writers tend to get better with age.

The trouble with getting older is you also get out of touch... and I do regret not sharing what I had going on in my twenties. So, if you can write about what's important to you now, some real drama. What do you know? What goes in your life, what messages do you have to share?

Anyway, good luck.

Just uploaded a short western, hopefully you guys will enjoy it when don posts it.