Speaking of adding stuff.....

Not sure if this helps, but when I first read this I had a thought that it would be cool if Buford forced Stella to serve him Honey Mustard. Right here:

I'd have him with a plate of chicken fingers and a bottle of honey mustard admonishing Stella that all you had to do was your fucking job. Have her give Stella the bottle - command that she pour some on the plate - she refuses - spits on him or something - then the thumb into the shoulder wound - POUR THE FUCKING HONEY MUSTARD - then he spots the photo of Matilda  - continue the scene.

Just thought it would be a neat full circle trick - didn't mention it the first time because didn't want to suggest adding p

Yeah, I'm definitely considering changing that and making her live while also considering adding another 10 pages or so, extending the ending so that there's not another "guy we thought was dead comes out of nowhere" moment again -- there's a few of them in this already. I liked Heretic's idea of Hardley arriving to find Buford devastated by the death of his family -- while also perhaps adding humor there. I was thinking of Buford picking up pieces of his son and hugging them or something lol. Still mulling the climax though, not sure whether or not I want the story to leave the house or not. I was thinking, since a small town and it would take a while for an ambulance to arrive, Hardley maybe gets Buford in

Eldave1 - Thanks for the read and valid comments/input. I checked my format spacing on my software. Darn, yeah it was out! Thanks.  I battle with trying to picture NY (America) I compare it to my homeland of South Africa where every town has a central and we don't really have bus stops, but taxi ranks/stops... etc. The rest of, I see what you saying and I'll neaten-up accordingly. Thanks again for taking the time.

Yuvraj - Thanks for the read. And yeah, like Eldave1 said. A clean-up. Glad you liked the story.  

\_( .")>.  This one looks like facepalm.

So cool, Matty. Love it. Made me smile.

Hope you'll be in, whatever it is.

All the other comments from you other guys, very funny too.
Looks like gobbledygook to me.

I think I'm with Dave on Captive Girl.
I keep thinking of the mom and her fliers.

I suppose it depends on her not getting in the way plot-wise and her survival being clever and a surprise -if she were to play dead, perhaps?

Ever since Alien (which made a huge impression on me) slasher/horror movies have become a little predictable with their kill 'em all Final Girl denouements. I'm kinda torn on the other hand though cause the ending of HM is pretty darned effective and satisfying.

I would love to see your pitch even if it sucked.

I think the reason I never even bothered is because I have never pitched anything and just have no clue how to.  

I entered the first one, pitch was woeful and I got nowhere but fun trying

It was a little 'involved' Pia... but when else are you gonna get to pitch to Netflix!

I entered the female lead thriller. The application was a pain and the 30 second pitch? Worst short film I’ve ever made.