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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board / Thriller Scripts / Dogs
Posted by: Don, August 10th, 2014, 2:29pm
Dogs by Julian Austen - Thriller - A burned-out CIA agent tries to bond with his estranged, teenage daughter in an amusement park, when an old assignment comes back to haunt him. - pdf, format 8)
Posted by: JulianAusten, August 12th, 2014, 3:38am; Reply: 1
From writer:
Hi, I’m new to this side. Would really like to hear your comments and I’m ready to read some of your scripts.
Have a nice day
Posted by: CalebHart (Guest), August 12th, 2014, 4:08am; Reply: 2
I read the first ten pages. Engaging. You have a unique voice. 'Bout all I can say for now.
Posted by: TonyDionisio, August 12th, 2014, 8:38pm; Reply: 3
Julian,
I think your story suffers from way too many characters in the beginning. I have trouble latching on to anyone in particular. Way too many fight details. I know you have some unimportant characters and that fine, but this needs some fleshing or simplified editing.
Gl with the script
Tony
Ps. Logline needs proofing too.
Posted by: JulianAusten, August 13th, 2014, 3:21am; Reply: 4
Hey, thanks to the both of you.
@Caleb - Thanks for the compliment and I hope it can capture your attention to the end.
@ToniDionisio - I don’t like to explain my scripts. If the story didn’t capture your interest, it either isn’t for you or I have to work on it. I appreciate your comment and I will definitely take a look at it. Thanks.
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