Eggy by Steve Martin - Comedy - Liberated from captivity, genetically modified hen, EGGY, rewards her liberator by delivering a GOLDEN EGG.  76 pages - pdf, format 8)

Code INT. LAB - AFTERNOON We reveal a laboratory

We know it's a lab from the slug. There isn't any need to mention it again here.

Code We reveal a laboratory filled with chickens in cages. Some chickens are connected to colorful tubing and others are held by mechanical arms. Complicated looking lab apparatus flashes. The chickens' moods differ; manic, silly, strung out... some are missing limbs, others have extra limbs or human body parts attached to them.

I believe the above should be broken up a little bit and edited to make it flow better.

Code The chicken screams wildly, bobs his head and sticks out his surreal-looking tongue.

This is a male chicken?

Reading on and I can see that your writing needs work. Hopefully we see you posting around the boards.

I read the first 10...decent writing and for me it is easy to read. Question ....what market are you shooting for with this? At first when I read the logline/title, I was thinking animation. Some of the dialogue though teeters for me, even though most of it, IMO, is pretty well written.

One beef I have is that long court scene..you lost me during that after three pages of dialogue.

Love for the writer to chime in on this one.

Thanks for feedback.

Dustin - fair comment on the gender and remarks on editing etc. I certainly accept that.

pale yellow - will take on board, scene could well do with a cut

Would love if someone could read some more of it and provide some more feedback.

I should look at this forum more often and contribute also.


again, cheers for even reading the title :)

You'll learn just as much from reviewing scripts as you will gathering thoughts on your own. Play it smart and review active members work rather anything at random just to get a read on your own.

The advice is free but it usually costs some of your time. If you're serious then a place like this offers a fast track into pro screenwriting. Could take a year, could take two. As you can see it's all subjective. One reviewer here thinks your writing is just fine while another feels that you have a lot of work to do.

Maybe producers feel the same?