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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board / Short Scripts / Melted
Posted by: Don, January 18th, 2015, 12:46pm
Melted by Keith McDuffee - Short, Romantic Comedy - Two quirky lovers find themselves in dire straits, as they struggle against all odds to bring themselves back together and ever closer. - pdf, format 8)
Posted by: AnthonyCawood, January 18th, 2015, 2:43pm; Reply: 1
Hi Keith
Took a quick read, a couple of thoughts, just my opinion of course.
1) Is the title too revealing? It wasn't snowmen as I first thought but still got it when they were revealed.
2) I liked the idea and could visualise it easily, good work.
3) Wonder if it would be stronger if they were the only candles on 1 yr olds cakes, then as one is used to light the other they could cling on to each other.
Cute premise, I liked it.
Anhony
Posted by: Stumpzian, January 18th, 2015, 3:13pm; Reply: 2
"Two animated eyes groggily open..."
I didn't pick up on the word "animated" the first time through. I didn't know you meant actual animation.
After all, human actors playing the two leads would be a tad awkward.
Reading through casually, I got a little lost regarding who was dipping which wicks into which "characters" and so on. But as animation, it might be just fine.
Clever idea.
Henry
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