San (Three) by Effron - Short, Comedy - A lonely backpacker embarks on a difficult journey across a foreign land. Her only chance of making her destination, is by entrusting the help of two complete strangers. 8 pages - pdf, format 8)

Hi Efron:

I wasn't really crazy about the story as a Short. There was no there - there. Basically, a tourist gets assistance from a Chinese man on a bus trip - The End. If this was part of a feature or a longer story - okay, I get it. But as a stand alone Short, - I think you need to have some twist or something here to make it interesting.

The dialogue was fine.  The Action Blocks are way too long IMO - break them up into smaller bites.