Screenplay by Christopher Pantoja - Short - A Office worker gets a visit where it's it tests.  7 pages - pdf, format 8)

1st paragraph. 4 mentions of the word "desk"

Never seen the name "barbra" before. Where is it derived from?

"If he doesn’t let me know." - You are missing a comma here.

"A man in a suit walks down rows of small cubicle’s He walks
as if he cannot be seen." - How do you do this? I want to learn. Could be usefull.

"DEVIL
Remember when you said get the hell
out? well on contrary hell is very
much in."  - errors.

"DEVIL
I’m here to help you. I know your
deepest and darkest secrets Daniel.
I know what you desire. I’m here to
give that to you." - missing comma.

"DANIEL
I still don’t even know who the
fuck you are!" - no one speaks like this.

"DANIEL
Listen man I don’t know who you..." - said that already.

Lose the "CONTINUED'S" in page breaks.

Interesting montage of the devil showing him his potential son.

"Back in present time. Daniel is in tears as he saw what his
life could be."  - Write only what can be filmed, not assumed. Take small liberties only.

"LUCIFER
But why? I actually like it here.
Daniel is good company. Daniel was
just saying how cool I am and how
he wanted to live the life he was
intended too, instead of living the
life layed out for him. Then giving
you these task to see if you’re
worthy to enter the beautiful
kingdom of HEAVEN!." Needs proof reading.

"Lucfier Stands up and walks towards Michael. He gets
extremly close to his face as his he going to hug him." reads awkward.

"LUCIFER
Daniel to be continued. That offer
will be on the table when ever you
want to feel.... free." - Needs a pause after Daniel.

"DANIEL
I think we should look into
adpoting." - Your best line of the script.

You need some rewrites and a lot of proof reading. Otherwise, short and different. Has a message but not strong enough.

GL with the script

Tony

Tony,

Barbra Streisand ring a bell?

Christopher, you need to fix your logline 'it's its test'. Perhaps you mean 'it's a test'? Even that would read a bit awkwardly. And it should be 'An office worker...' least in Oz and UK it should be. :)

Christopher,

The devil is in the details or so the saying goes.

Allow me to be blunt. This is not well written. There are multiple errors.  I'm guessing English is not your first language.  I would suggest you find someone to,point out your errors and help with meaning and syntax.   Every little mistake takes the reader out of the story and signals that you are not a professional.

As far as the story goes, it's not too bad. Satan makes Daniel an offer, and Michael steps in to save the day.  As far as structure goes, one might prefer that find his own way out of this predicament  having Michael show up seems too good to be true.  That satan doesn't put up a fight robs the story of some much needed action.

Find a good mentor and work a bit on structure and keep writing.

Best
Richard