#You Are Dead by Luis Garza - Short, Horror, Comedy - Social media has revolutionized the way we communicate with one another. In this short, a clumsy psycho killer uses Snapchat to scare and kill his new victims, two dumb high school girls who are having a sleep over.  8 pages - pdf, format 8)

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Well the logline made me laugh. Puts me in mind of a slasher parody.

And you delivered that. I like this. I can imagine the characters and it was a very enjoyable read. Not sure if there's anything that you can improve on. It works for me.

Nice job.

I haven't read the script, but the title is extremely arresting.

I'd be tempted to expand into a feature based on that alone.

Took a quick read, a few thoughts... just my opinion of course

1) like the title but hashtags normally run together, so would be better as #YouAreDead
2) 'Their phones on their sides'... do you mean they are 'by their sides'?
3) Nit picky, but it's iPhone... not Iphone.
4) Is the 'Sleep over with bae...' bit meant to be a TXT message, or response on Snapchat?
If so then it would be better formatted somthing like this...
INSERT: Phone screen.
Sleep over with bae etc etc
5) Same later on...
6) He seems to get to their house very quickly, does Kristi live next door?

So I like, this, there's a Scream like quality to it, just think it needs a polish and a tidy up.

Anthony

First thing that comes to mind is, change the title to #YouAreDead or #youaredead.

Anyway on with the script..

HAILEY
Sleep over with bae, hashtag turn
up
Does Hailey say these words? If not, it's formatted wrong. If so, it's a bit strange. Also don't get what hashtag turn up means? Maybe #turnip, as she's a fiend for her veggies?

Ha, I love the idea of these two bimbo's asking a very serous question like "why is there a weird person behind you?" via Snapchat. Says a lot about the youth of today, because really, that is what some would do.

The words “#shedead” and “lolrunbitch” in front
of the 3 second snap.
# should be in front of lolrunbitch

HAILEY
KillDisBitchlol
Again, don't think she'd be saying this..

Hailey opens the snap, a black screen with the words #yournext.
SARAH
My next?
HAILEY
I think he meant to put you apostrophe r e.
SARAH
Ohh.
Love this. Brilliant.

And a nice ending.

Overall, this was very well done and very funny. A modern day slasher spoof and I wouldn't mind seeing this as a feature. With a little tidying up, this is good to go.

Nice job and good luck.

Glenn.

Quoted from AnthonyCawood Took a quick read, a few thoughts... just my opinion of course 1) like the title but hashtags normally run together, so would be better as #YouAreDead Anthony

Right, Don't know how I missed that.

Quoted from AnthonyCawood 4) Is the 'Sleep over with bae...' bit meant to be a TXT message, or response on Snapchat? If so then it would be better formatted somthing like this... INSERT: Phone screen. Sleep over with bae etc etc Anthony

I was in a writing slump, this is my first script post slump. I totally forgot about the INSERT, thank you for the reminder.

Quoted from AnthonyCawood 6) He seems to get to their house very quickly, does Kristi live next door? Anthony

I'm glad you noticed that, I was intending to poke fun on the fact that Serial Killers are super humanly fast off-screen in slasher movies.

I'm glad you like it by the way and thank you for the input  :P

Quoted from IamGlenn HAILEY Sleep over with bae, hashtag turn up Does Hailey say these words? If not, it's formatted wrong. If so, it's a bit strange. Also don't get what hashtag turn up means? Maybe #turnip, as she's a fiend for her veggies? Glenn.

Yes, she is supposed to be talking as she types. I forgot about the INSERT format due to a writing slump that lasted for months. I used dialogue to notify the reader as to what Hailey is typing.

#Turnup is actually a trend teens are using to let others know they are having fun. Kinda weird huh?

Quoted from IamGlenn Ha, I love the idea of these two bimbo's asking a very serous question like "why is there a weird person behind you?" via Snapchat. Says a lot about the youth of today, because really, that is what some would do. Glenn.

Glad you noticed that! That was totally what I was going for!

Quoted from IamGlenn Love this. Brilliant. And a nice ending. Overall, this was very well done and very funny. A modern day slasher spoof and I wouldn't mind seeing this as a feature. With a little tidying up, this is good to go. Nice job and good luck. Glenn. Glenn.

I'm so glad you liked this as much as you did! I usually don't spoof other genres but I just had to do it for this one. I thought the idea of a serial killer actually being in touch with the media was so out of character, which makes it hilarious. All of the other serial killers in movies, seem to live in the past  ;D

Quoted from Scar Tissue Films I haven't read the script, but the title is extremely arresting. I'd be tempted to expand into a feature based on that alone.

Well I'm glad you liked the concept. Hope you can get to it evantually! :P

Quoted from DustinBowcot Well the logline made me laugh. Puts me in mind of a slasher parody. And you delivered that. I like this. I can imagine the characters and it was a very enjoyable read. Not sure if there's anything that you can improve on. It works for me. Nice job.

Thank you! That's what I was going for!  ;D

#You Are Dead has been filmed and is on YouTube.

- Don

Gave this a quick look, and it was a fun watch... Loved the last scene and him hiding then popping up for the selfie... Worked well!

Thank you for getting this up so quickly Don.

Yeah so this is #YouAreDead, a short film adaption of my screenplay. I hope ya'll like it.

I have a better version of the script, i'll try to get it updated.

Quoted from AnthonyCawood Gave this a quick look, and it was a fun watch... Loved the last scene and him hiding then popping up for the selfie... Worked well!

Thanks for watching! Always appreciated!

I enjoyed this, it was short, snappy and very entertaining. Well done on getting it produced.

Enjoyable, Luis - congrats!

This was fun. Having not read the script, I struggled to find the tone off the bat. Once I realized it has heading down the comedy avenue, I enjoyed it much more. Congrats.

James

Quoted from MarkRenshaw I enjoyed this, it was short, snappy and very entertaining. Well done on getting it produced.

Thank you for the watch! Glad you enjoyed!

Quoted from Athenian Enjoyable, Luis - congrats!

Thanks for watching and enjoying.

Quoted from jwent6688 This was fun. Having not read the script, I struggled to find the tone off the bat. Once I realized it has heading down the comedy avenue, I enjoyed it much more. Congrats. James

Thanks for watching!!

Really enjoyed this script and this was a pretty good job.

Good work, keep it up.

Quoted from IamGlenn Really enjoyed this script and this was a pretty good job. Good work, keep it up.

Thank you for watching, glad you enjoyed!!  :) :) :)

Quoted from nadroj1981 My high school students recreated this short film with a few edits to the original script. They did a great job!!

Did your high school students have permission from the writer to use it?