10 by Evan Davis - Short, Drama - After losing his wife, a widower comes into possession of an item that allows him to go back in time and relive moments with her. 18 pages - pdf, format 8)

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From Evan

The script was produced and is currently in post production. The trailer for it is available on the films Facebook page, I have included a link.

https://www.facebook.com/10themovie/?ref=bookmarks

Evan,

I really loved this. Time travel, lost loves, magic boxes - what's not to like. It's immediately engaging and beautifully written. One of favorite shorts on this site in months. Besides the period decor, it's minimally budgeted, so I can't see you having any problems getting this made.

Two notes: You forgot to capitalize Frank's entrance -- I think you can eliminate those BACK TO PRESENT 's. The story is so well told, I found them unnecessary. And the first time you used it, I presumed we were going back to 1996, and the hospice.

Best,
Ron

Evan,

Some notes.

This is a nice tale.  It works on many levels.  The time travel, the love story.  I think you might consider making it a might shorter.  Also, I think you might explore a way to add some conflict to the little vignettes.  The chase down with the car works because there is conflict.  The others simply pile on the syrupy love.  Also, I don' think there was bottle water in 1955.  A simple thing to fix.  And I think there should be some indication that Grandpa learned how to program the box for his daughter.  He wasn't a curator, right?

The dialogue gets a little too lovey dovey at times...at last for me.  Otherwise, a nice job.

Best
Richard

I didn’t mind this.

There are some grammar issues. Your lays should be lies and you need a comma whenever you address someone directly even if it’s a pet name or nickname, for example “Yeah sweetheart” and “get some sleep baby girl” both require commas.

Did get a bit too soppy for my taste, in parts, but overall in was enjoyable and well written.

Good job.

RonH - Thanks for the feedback! I took note of your suggestions and made necessary changes.  Appreciate your feedback!

RichardR - Thanks for the feedback and I do believe you are correct about the bottle of water. I missed that. The last draft I did switched the time period and I went back and made adjustments throughout the script and missed that one. Thanks for pointing that out! I have fixed it in the new draft!  Appreciate it!

Warren - Thanks for the feedback and catching my grammar errors, I appreciate the corrections and I have fixed them in the new draft!

Thanks everyone!

Indeed, well written. I enjoyed the ease of reading it.

Hello everyone, thank you all for reading this script and all the feedback I have received. The script was produced and is currently in post production. The trailer for it is available on the films Facebook page, I have included a link.

https://www.facebook.com/10themovie/?ref=bookmarks

Congrats! The trailer was solid.

Congrats Evan!

Congrats, I remember liking this.

It looks like a quality production.

I look forward to seeing the finished product.

The Trailer: