I had the same reaction as Chris. You start out with 13 pages of V.O. A lot of it meandering and unfocused. It's as if you want us to understand every synapse in Frank's brain in the first 15 pages rather than developing the important ones over the length of the story.
As an example, you spend 3+ pages on Frank's displeasure with the radio and end with another VO:
IMO - you could have condensed this to a half page. Something akin to:
Frank turns of the radio - HIP HOP fills the car. A quick press of the tuner button - STATIC. Another press - COUNTRY MUSIC. Another press - CLASSIC ROCK. Another press - STATIC
Frank reaches over and finds a compilation CD in the mess and inserts the disc in the player. His face turns peaceful, in stark contrast to the dynamic, energetic, 90s PUNK song now playing.
To me - that's enough - I get it - Frank hates what's on the radio and oddly finds solace in Punk. But then you add the VO
Quoted Text FRANK (V.O.) Usually after a couple of minutes all songs begin to sound the same, it feels like you’re just hearing one painfully long, bad song divided into countless parts. This revolting sound begins to drone on you just like the thud of wheelsets hammering down the tracks on a subway. (beat) After spending hours under the ground all people you see become vague in their form. Every new stranger that enters seems like someone you have already seen a couple of rides before.
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First - the premise is a bit off. All songs start to sound the same just like people - but in your action before that you had extensive bits on talk shows (i.e., not songs). So, assuming we just keep it to songs --
IMO - not needed at all. I mean, it has an interesting theme, but is that how one really talks to themselves in their mind? You are using the VO as a way for us to catch up on Frank's mental and emotional journey and it's way over the top. If you think it's needed. Keep it simple. e.g.,
"Songs are like people. After awhile, they all sound the same. They all become uninteresting."
And move on. But again, I don't think you need the VO at all.
Franz: Obviously, I don't know you. But after reading the first 20 pages, I think you have a ton of beautiful, painful, spiritual, elegant, blunt, etc. thoughts buried in your head. That is a gift and will help your writing. What you need to avoid as trying to cram all of those in a character's head and therefore in ours in the first 20 pages. Let us learn who this guy is through his interactions with others. through his observations of events, through his dialogue, over the course of your story.
Hope this helps. I think definitely think you should write. There is a voice there.