SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board / Short Drama Scripts / Million Dollar Idea
Posted by: Don, March 17th, 2017, 10:31am
Million Dollar Idea by Richard F. Russell - Short, Drama - A high school boy thinks he has an idea for a million Internet hits. Maybe he does. 7 pages - pdf, format
Writer interested in feedback on this work
Posted by: eldave1, March 17th, 2017, 7:11pm; Reply: 1
Richard - first a nit:
SPOILERS AHEAD
Quoted Text
RANDY Listen up, fuckers. Open your eyes. This isn’t my fault, it’s yours. It’s this fucking world that crapped on everything I ever tired to do. So, fuck you!
A typo - tired should be tried
An interesting story for the most part. I had some problem with Seth - an isolated Goth kid at the far end of the table when you open and then without much explanation - he is going to be the one working with your protag on this huge million dollar hit thing. Just struck me as weird that he (Seth) would be brought into the circle of trust as it were.
Posted by: LC, March 17th, 2017, 8:10pm; Reply: 2
Richard, a weird mix for me.
I'm left thinking the punishment doesn't fit the crime. No indication Randy ever did anything to Seth, unless I missed something?
Does Goth equal 'evil'? Why is Seth out on his own? It seems he'd have Goth friends.
the usual mix of high school TEENS along with the problems they have.
I'm all for asides but this (above) was a bit clumsy imh.
With this one:
Friends, this is their haunt during lunch
I thought for a moment you were addressing the reader.
as sexy as mesh nylons, Might be a cultural thing. 'Mesh nylons' sound matronly to me.