The Plan by Javier Torregrosa (jayrex) writing as Uncle Google - Short, Comedy, Drama - Chris wants to paintball.  Rick has other ideas, but his plan isn't well thought through. 8 pages - pdf, format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Hi Javier,

This is pretty well written, well structured and easy to read, good flow.

I found the ending a bit much for a comedy drama.  I do get the joke, but the Individuals actions came a little left field for me. I personally think it should be written as a dark comedy so we already know it's going to have an element of nastiness.  

The story is okay but it didn't jump out at me.

Cheers Kirsten

Thanks Kirsten for giving my script a read.

This was my effort for the March madness competition.  Unedited.  Not sure if I'll fix this one.

If you have anything you'd like me to check out, please let me know.