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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Comedy Scripts  ›  The Plan
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  Author    The Plan  (currently 1064 views)
Don
Posted: April 21st, 2018, 9:16am Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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The Plan by Javier Torregrosa (jayrex) writing as Uncle Google - Short, Comedy, Drama - Chris wants to paintball.  Rick has other ideas, but his plan isn't well thought through. 8 pages - pdf, format

Writer interested in feedback on this work



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Kirsten
Posted: April 24th, 2018, 4:16pm Report to Moderator
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Giving up is not an option....

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Hi Javier,

This is pretty well written, well structured and easy to read, good flow.

I found the ending a bit much for a comedy drama.  I do get the joke, but the Individuals actions came a little left field for me. I personally think it should be written as a dark comedy so we already know it's going to have an element of nastiness.  

The story is okay but it didn't jump out at me.

Cheers Kirsten


"Turn that off, our friend has just been killed in a fatal sunlight accident!"....

'What we do in the Shadows.'
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jayrex
Posted: April 26th, 2018, 4:45pm Report to Moderator
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Cut to three weeks earlier

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Thanks Kirsten for giving my script a read.

This was my effort for the March madness competition.  Unedited.  Not sure if I'll fix this one.

If you have anything you'd like me to check out, please let me know.


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