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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board / Short Comedy Scripts / Full Exposure
Posted by: Don, April 30th, 2019, 2:09pm
Full Exposure by Steven Burton - Short, Comedy, LGBT - A female artist asks a male photographer to pose nude for her project, which triggers other uptight challenges before he decides to pose with a twist at the end. 14 pages - pdf format
For production consideration - No comments required
Posted by: Arundel, June 5th, 2019, 9:48pm; Reply: 1
Not sure why I enjoyed this but I did. Some dialog was awkward. Scenes in Jenny's loft could be shortened some. The scene between Tom and Richard in the bar worked well.
Couldn't find a point to the subject but I guess that's what I find appealing. It was interesting enough without a clear objective.
Posted by: SBurton, August 20th, 2019, 3:04pm; Reply: 2
Thanks, something to think about. The risk revealed with Richard perhaps is a clue. I think the story is about risk taking and the fear about that.
Posted by: eldave1, August 20th, 2019, 8:13pm; Reply: 3
Something's wrong with your format here - everything is off center.
EXT. OCEAN BEACH - SPRING DAY
Quoted Text TOM JAMES, a handsome young man with a camera, stands alone to face the ocean.
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Give us age with your character.
Quoted Text After he quickly looks both ways, his pants unzip and then pisses on the sand.
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Kind of awkward phrasing. The way you have it - his pants on pissing on the sand and unzippng by themselves.
Maybe.
After he quickly looks both ways, he unzips his pants then
pisses on the sand.
Posted by: Nomad, August 22nd, 2019, 11:19am; Reply: 4
Steven,
Comedy is subjective which makes it difficult to write, so I tip my hat to you for trying.
I found no humor in this though as it was a series of awkward scenes filled with stilted dialogue.
If you're still around and would like me to expound, just chime in.
-Jordan
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