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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Comedy Scripts  ›  Full Exposure
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Don
Posted: April 30th, 2019, 2:09pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Full Exposure by Steven Burton - Short, Comedy, LGBT - A female artist asks a male photographer to pose nude for her project, which triggers other uptight challenges before he decides to pose with a twist at the end. 14 pages - pdf format

For production consideration - No comments required


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You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky

Revision History (1 edits)
Don  -  June 19th, 2023, 3:22pm
Full Exposure
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Arundel
Posted: June 5th, 2019, 9:48pm Report to Moderator
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Not sure why I enjoyed this but I did. Some dialog was awkward. Scenes in Jenny's loft could be shortened some. The scene between Tom and Richard in the bar worked well.

Couldn't find a point to the subject but I guess that's what I find appealing. It was interesting enough without a clear objective.
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SBurton
Posted: August 20th, 2019, 3:04pm Report to Moderator
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Thanks, something to think about. The risk revealed with Richard perhaps is a clue. I think the story is about risk taking and the fear about that.  
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eldave1
Posted: August 20th, 2019, 8:13pm Report to Moderator
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Something's wrong with your format here - everything is off center.

EXT. OCEAN BEACH - SPRING DAY


Quoted Text
TOM JAMES, a handsome young man with a camera, stands
alone to face the ocean.


Give us age with your character.


Quoted Text
After he quickly looks both ways, his pants unzip and then
pisses on the sand.


Kind of awkward phrasing. The way you have it - his pants on pissing on the sand and unzippng by themselves.

Maybe.

After he quickly looks both ways, he unzips his pants then
pisses on the sand.



My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
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Nomad
Posted: August 22nd, 2019, 11:19am Report to Moderator
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Steven,

Comedy is subjective which makes it difficult to write, so I tip my hat to you for trying.

I found no humor in this though as it was a series of awkward scenes filled with stilted dialogue.

If you're still around and would like me to expound, just chime in.

-Jordan


Read my scripts here:
SOCIAL EXPERIMENT 8pg-Drama
THE BRIDGE 8pg-Horror
SCHEISSE 6pg-Horror/Comedy
MADE FOR EACH OTHER-FILMED
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