Hi, Nate,
The primary thing that prompted me to read your script was the pages. I was curious to know how you managed to meltdown a feature thriller in just 74 pages, so I read it pretty quick. But I was wrong, this script is the first part of the story.
The build-up of your script is pretty nice, as it held my attention.
The protaganist, Sarah Aims, was also interesting. The personal conflict of her's was decent but I think the reveal was too early, considering your story is not yet finished.
Some mistakes I noticed:
Quoted Text
Sasha, disinterested turns the TV off.
|
Your protaganist, SARAH AIMS, turns off the TV. Not SASHA. I think you typed this mistakenly.
Quoted Text
Aims stops pacing around and looks at Aims.
|
Aims stops.....looks at COLE.
I don't have a clue as to what the device is or what it really does. Your script ends with a sort of cliffhanger but it doesn't ache for resolution. It just ends. You are saving it for the next part.
I don't know if you're active on the forum or not, but nonetheless I shared my view on this.
Might look at the next part.
Good luck.