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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board / My Work In Progress / Brave Spirit -wip

Posted by: Ronen, May 25th, 2021, 11:36am

Title: Brave Spirit

Logline: Jim is a mentally ill novice writer living in poverty in L.A, seeking compassion and kindness in a tough poor neighborhood.

Genre: Drama

format: Short

looking for any kind of feedback also suggestions and ideas on how to continue it.

willing to trade feedback.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/14RbPpMLq7jYCvMQoCIEGv5n4kL-HQAA0/view?usp=sharing

Ronen

Posted by: Robert Timsah, May 25th, 2021, 12:42pm; Reply: 1

Hey Ronen. I liked the structure. It reads easy and gave me a sense of Jim, his world, how people see and mock him, which evokes sympathy. I could see us writers really rooting for Jim. Curious to see where it goes.

Scene 4. load \ loud. A few grammar/typos but early on I don’t obsess over those.

Seems like the story has a few options. Jim breaks down and turns bad (war). Jim stays the course and finds friendship or something more (Lisa). He gives up.

Posted by: Ronen, May 26th, 2021, 12:18pm; Reply: 2

hi robert :)

thank you for taking the time to read and replay :) if you have something you wish others to give feedback I'll be happy to take a look at it. :)

once again thank you :)

ronen

Posted by: Robert Timsah, May 26th, 2021, 3:04pm; Reply: 3

Quoted from Ronen
hi robert :)

thank you for taking the time to read and replay :) if you have something you wish others to give feedback I'll be happy to take a look at it. :)

once again thank you :)

ronen

No, problem. This one was fun - https://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-shortcomedy/m-1619975029/

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