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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board / Drama Scripts / My 1 and Only
Posted by: Don, January 22nd, 2022, 6:01pm
My 1 and Only (feature) by Bernard Antoine Mersier - Drama - Christopher is a dedicated father who is falsely accused by the mother of his daughter, leading to him doing time in jail creating a new hatred towards her once he's released. 92 pages
Synopsis;
Production
Writer interested in feedback on this work
Posted by: Nomad, January 25th, 2022, 4:07pm; Reply: 1
Hi, Bernard.
I read the first few pages and here are some of my notes:
- You should have a copyright symbol and year on the cover sheet to protect yourself.
- The quote on page 1 is going to turn a lot of people off. Does it appear on screen? Is this the moral of the script? Why is this here?
- Your script reads more like a novel than a screenplay.
- You should write in an active voice instead of a passive voice.
- You have two main characters named Christian and Christopher. That will get confusing very quickly. Change one of the names to be completely different.
That's about all I have from skimming the first few pages.
-Jordan
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