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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board  /  Western Scripts  /  The Great Brain Robbery
Posted by: Don, January 21st, 2006, 6:36pm
The Great Brain Robbery by Martin Lancaster - Short, Western - While all around him are losing their heads, Helio 'Hound Dog' Cordeiro must sober up and unravel the mystery of The Great Brain Robbery.  Apologies to everyone involved. Two birds, one stone and all that. - Entry for the January '06 One Week Writing Exercise Thing - pdf, format 8)
Posted by: greg, January 21st, 2006, 8:48pm; Reply: 1
Well, from the start of the opening pages I knew who wrote this.  The style is very distinct and, above all else, this writer left him or herself out of the bunch.  Ha!  You can't fool me!

SPOILERS WITHIN

Now, onto the story.  I think this kind of reminds me of "Shanghai Noon," because it takes the western genre and mixes in a bunch of present day things.  It was a very pleasant read.

I like these nicknames.  Honkey Tonk, Hoedown, Hound Dog, but I think the best one was Bird Man here.  Man, that guy was wild!  I think his funniest sequence came when his head rolled along the floor and then Breanne stabbed it.  Hahaha.  The story's hero, Helio, I felt was accurately portrayed.  He had that kind of goofy innocence about him and the dialogue was top notch.

Page 5: Nice touch with the things we can't see.  

Page 7: Ya know, the whole thing was accurately portrayed as an old west flick from what I can tell, so I kinda thought the Jack Black description was out of line.  Maybe you could have made him Tyler "Black Jack" Higgs.  Nyuk Nyuk Nyuk I crack myself up.

Page 10: "Pucker up, buttercup." Nice!  And man, you really took advantage of Shelton's disposable hero thing.  He lasted about 2 seconds!

Page 15: "No fucking move!" Hahahaha.  All in good fun, of course.

Page 16: Breanne's the killer, eh?  Wow.  I'm surprised she didn't murder me in the saloon!

Page 17: I was kind of confused here.  Don  kills Breanne cause she didn't follow the rules, that part's humorous, but what I didn't get was the rule she broke.  It's something bizarre I know, but I missed that general part.

Sixteen submissions and I bet ten of them have this Tanuki thing in it.  *sigh*

Overall, a very enjoyable read.  I like how you took elements from several screenplays and even involved some actual text from posts.  The "fruit" speech that Helio makes I believe was from a thread.  So yes, a very nice read!  Well done!




Posted by: Don, January 21st, 2006, 8:55pm; Reply: 2

Quoted from greg
Don  kills Breanne cause she didn't follow the rules, that part's humorous, but what I didn't get was the rule she broke.


This may be an allusion to the emails I get when I ban someone.  "What I do?  You banned me for no reason."  

{later}
Just finished the rest of the script.  I enjoyed it.  Excellent eye for the subtleties of the goings ons on the site.  

Don
Posted by: bert, January 21st, 2006, 11:08pm; Reply: 3
I think that I think this is who Greg thinks it is.  Some guy who thinks one of the main items stocked by a general store is cigars.  I love it!  I love all of them, actually.

(SPOILERS)

*  Glad to see I made the cut haha.
*  "Sorry", the author says.  See how you can play with the conventions of a script?  Just because I am the "reader", I don't see why that doesn't mean you can't put in little jokes just for me.  (Later, the same thing with the rules.  Excellent.)
*  Reading this, I finally figured out who Helio reminds me of.  You ever see "Being There", with Peter Sellers?  He's that guy.
*  Grammer note:  I don't think you can "sleek" into a room.  That's an adjective.  I was going to blow this off, but then you used it twice.  Maybe you mean slink?
*  I thought I recognized a few things, and then Don found the trunk, and I was like, "Oh...hell, yeah."  Be assured that the authors who recognize themselves will feel supremely complimented.

At first, I was a little concerned that George and I had spoiled this kind of stuff for everybody, and I think I enjoy these even a little more for just that reason -- as people continue to churn out stand-alone stuff that is really hilarious and truly unique.  Good job Mr. "Mystery Author".
Posted by: George Willson, January 21st, 2006, 11:30pm; Reply: 4
Oh man, I loved this! This one is an absolute goldmine of parody stuff. Obviously, this mystery author has a supreme understanding of the board and those on it.

I love how the action paragraphs were actually incorporated into the story. You know, sometimes we grump about these things, but it was never better used than here.

Love Dogglebe's breaking the fourth wall comment. Priceless. Also when it happened later...you'll know when it is....when the trunk opens?

And the ending! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Couldn't stop myself for quite a while, and I'm still wiping away the occasional tear thinking about it.

Beautiful. Worthy to be placed alongside the now nearly incomparable SimplyNoir.
Posted by: Shelton, January 22nd, 2006, 1:17am; Reply: 5
I laughed my tanuki off at this, even if it did contain one huge flaw, as I am SOOOOOO skilled in the art of anti-ninja combat.

As far as guessing who it is, I won't come right out and say, but I think you are of the female persuasion.


Good Job!
Posted by: George Willson, January 22nd, 2006, 2:25am; Reply: 6
I just came in to read the comments since mine, and just the thought of the ending made me laugh again. Talk about staying power!
Posted by: CindyLKeller, January 22nd, 2006, 2:56am; Reply: 7
I thought I knew who wrote this, but after reading the replies, now I definately know who wrote this, and it all makes sense that this is the only person who could have wrote this, but I'm not telling.  :)

SPOILERS WITHIN

This script was so well formatted that it just flowed ever so gently from one scene to the next and was a joy to read.

Whoever wrote this  ;) has a knack for writing snappy dialogue AND good descriptions.

I liked the blending of the old west with elements from the future. The ninja was a nice addition, too, but that scene in the back room... well, that scene creeped me out.
It was a good scene, a really good scene, but now I fear that one night soon I will be dreaming about this. Good for you, bad for me.  :oOh well...


MAJOR SPOILERS SCROLL BACK NOW ;D







Don was a bad guy, huh... Wow. I never saw that coming. And Breanne, too... Well, hey she is very original, the founder of Breanism and all, hmmm.  

It was, like I said earlier, a joy to read. Loved the story, and the characters, too.  ;D
Cindy
Posted by: Helio, January 22nd, 2006, 11:17am; Reply: 8
Well done!  Clever and clean screenwriting about the SS team in the old west enviromment.

OH MY! It picked me up! I didn't resite and got emotional...

Thanks to whatever you are to include Helio in your story ...
Posted by: James McClung, January 22nd, 2006, 11:52am; Reply: 9
Yet another SS script and I have yet to be disappointed.

Loved the use of script names in dialogue. I think I've heard Wesley say "life is a neverending drama"; perhaps he says it all the time.

SPOILER: And when Don showed up at the end, I knew it was all over... until the Tanuki showed up, that is.

I thought the head chopping ninja might've been a little out of place but, hey, I'm not complaining.

Yet again, a very enjoyable read.
Posted by: Helio, January 22nd, 2006, 11:57am; Reply: 10
Just in time: It was the best script merchandise that someone had ever!

Quated from Helio

"Thanks to whatever you are to include Helio in your story ..."


Instead WHATEVER read WHOEVER
Posted by: Higgonaitor, January 22nd, 2006, 12:41pm; Reply: 11
Great job, I think my favorite parts were with mike shelton and dogglebe (we can't possibly see any of that!)Anywayh, you did well with the western theme, and it was a hilarious script overall.

Oh, and by the way, I think I'm the only one who has no idea who you are.
Posted by: Kevan, January 22nd, 2006, 9:56pm; Reply: 12
I don't know who you are either but I have a good idea..

You people are nutz on these boards, you really are!!!

Not only do you guys parody yourselves but your all screenplay characters to boot..

Think I'm loosing my marbles.. Hehe..

I gotta say this idea about writing a screenplay short based upon a given theme is a really good idea and with a time limit of a week - it's real gem.

This script has got to have some of the most amusing stuff I've read about you gang on these boards and to say I laughed on more than two or three occasions would be an understatement. Not only did I not care about what I should about screenwriting,  I just concentrated on the unfolding story, forget everything else,  and I loved every minute of it. So much so that I nearly wet myself!

The scene where Breanne gets up on stage and say’s she’s gonna play a song called ‘Devil in D Minor’ – well, piddle my pants, I lost it at that point!

Wesley, hehe, they’ve got it in for you, dude.. I’m sure they love you really..

Don, at least they cast you as the Sherrif..

Instant screenplays from heads in jars – the very thought..

Utter lunacy, Mel Brooks hasn’t got anything on this stuff!

Well done, you crazy fool you..
Posted by: Don, January 22nd, 2006, 11:01pm; Reply: 13

Quoted from Kevan
You people are nutz on these boards, you really are!!!

Not only do you guys parody yourselves but your all screenplay characters to boot..


Kevan,

Welcome to the nut house.  At 5 posts a day (yes, we check stats) you are not only a loon, but a certified loon).

We are freaks about spelling, tho (I'm losing my marbles, not loosing my marbles).  

You hit the boards at a parody moment.  Glad to have you and your insight.

Don
  
Posted by: Nixon, January 22nd, 2006, 11:38pm; Reply: 14
Simply excellent. Great dialogue and descriptions.

The author of this particular western has a great understanding of the SS board members, which is remarkable considering all you have to go on is text and a few photos of these crazy people.

Great job.

-Zavier
Posted by: Antemasque, January 23rd, 2006, 9:52am; Reply: 15
HEY! I died. haha.
Yeah i think i know who wrote this too.

This is definitly my favroite so far. Great plot, pace, character haha, everything was just amazing. Bravo my friend bravo.

10/10
Posted by: George Willson, January 23rd, 2006, 10:33am; Reply: 16

Quoted from Don
We are freaks about spelling, tho (I'm losing my marbles, not loosing my marbels).  


Apparently not, because...


Quoted from Don
You hit the boards at a parody moment.  Glad to have you and you insight.


...don't you mean you and YOUR insight?

Gotcha!
Posted by: KenneyP, January 23rd, 2006, 1:49pm; Reply: 17
Maybe the only script so far, where I might have an idea who wrote it.
Good fun, nice jokes. Didn't like the ending though ;(
Well written.
Posted by: Kevan, January 23rd, 2006, 6:24pm; Reply: 18
Told you I'm not the best typist in the world..

That's my excuse anyway..

I previously read 'Simply Noir' but I've not commented on it.. I laughed my ass off that that one too.. Nice one George and Rob Glen Newcomer..

The humorous mention of other board members in that script (English spelling) probably prepared me for what transpires in 'The Great Brain Robbery'.. The writer definitely got a handle on you guys..

Good to have parody, should do more of this stuff..

Now all we need is a Citizen Kane of Simply scripts, full-length screenplay parody..

Now there's an idea...  :)
Posted by: Breanne Mattson, January 23rd, 2006, 9:56pm; Reply: 19
I laughed so hard, I had to get up out of my seat and walk around - hahaha

I didn’t even realize until a day or so ago that there was a challenge - shows how well I keep up with things.

Imagine my surprise when the very first one I open has me in it.

Let me just say that Helio is great! This is a perfect vehicle for Helio. Believe it or not, when I first read the logline, I actually thought Helio wrote it -- hahahaha! I thought, only Helio would do an anonymous challenge and submit a script with himself as a character.

Wow. You covered a lot of stuff (and characters) in a short period of time. No doubt, in part because of the quick demises of some. I love how you mixed up various posts of some and produced a coherent dialogue for the story.

Beheaded for breaking a rule? - darn. A spanking would have sufficed - haha

I think this author is perhaps the greatest writer in the world. (<=that’s an in-joke for those who don’t know. See SimplyNoir for explanation.)
Posted by: Higgonaitor, January 23rd, 2006, 10:44pm; Reply: 20

Quoted from George Willson


Apparently not, because...



...don't you mean you and YOUR insight?

Gotcha!


I was considering burning Don for this...then I figured, what if he did it on purpose? as a joke? Me think that Don joke with you.
Posted by: Don, January 23rd, 2006, 11:17pm; Reply: 21

Quoted from George Willson

...don't you mean you and YOUR insight?
Gotcha!


Indeed, George got me.  Wow, it was great having him on the boards.  Gosh, I'm going to miss him...



Quoted from Higgonaitor
I was considering burning Don for this...then I figured, what if he did it on purpose? as a joke? Me think that Don joke with you.


Nope, no joke. Pure typo.  Man, I'm going to miss Higg.  He showed such promise.  Pity, really.  


Quoted from Don

We are freaks about spelling, tho (I'm losing my marbles, not loosing my marbels).  


Both George and Tyler missed the other typo - 'marbels' vis 'marbles'.  I'm going to miss those guys.

Don
Posted by: George Willson, January 23rd, 2006, 11:33pm; Reply: 22
I thought that was a typo from the other guy's post, which is why I didn't say anything. However, I am updating my grammar guide to reflect the Don way of writing so I don't get hit again.

Oh, and by the way, it's "vs." not "vis."   ...  Maybe I should have kept that to myself?
Posted by: Don, January 23rd, 2006, 11:51pm; Reply: 23

Quoted from George Willson
I thought that was a typo from the other guy's post, which is why I didn't say anything. However, I am updating my grammar guide to reflect the Don way of writing so I don't get hit again.

Oh, and by the way, it's "vs." not "vis."   ...  Maybe I should have kept that to myself?


George, you got me.  Actually, I should have writen 'vis-à-vis'  In my family, we use 'vis' as a shorthand for 'vis-à-vis'

Don
Posted by: Shelton, January 23rd, 2006, 11:54pm; Reply: 24
How kan eneone expekt us two have perfekt speling when our branes have been stoleded?
Posted by: George Willson, January 24th, 2006, 12:07am; Reply: 25

Quoted from Don
George, you got me.  Actually, I should have writen 'vis-à-vis'  In my family, we use 'vis' as a shorthand for 'vis-à-vis'


Ah, well you're forgiven for familial traditions in abbreviating stuff.

And as fur spelng

Maik duz havuh poynt.

Posted by: -Ben-, January 25th, 2006, 6:28pm; Reply: 26
SO wat your saying is, Don wrote this piece?
Posted by: Helio, January 25th, 2006, 6:41pm; Reply: 27
Have you been drinking any kind of false tequila today, BenBighoop?
Posted by: -Ben-, January 25th, 2006, 6:59pm; Reply: 28
Not that I know of.....
Posted by: George Willson, January 25th, 2006, 8:54pm; Reply: 29

Quoted from Helio
Have you been drinking any kind of false tequila today, BenBighoop?


I think Helio is losing his mind...he's making some really strange non-sensical posts today. Perhaps it is time to have his head examined for sanity purposes.
Posted by: Gaara, January 25th, 2006, 9:04pm; Reply: 30
Wiggle Wiggle BOOM

Great. I would say more but I'm still laughing

They go WIGGLE WIGGLE and the town goes BOOM
Posted by: Don, January 25th, 2006, 10:33pm; Reply: 31

Quoted from George Willson


I think Helio is losing his mind...he's making some really strange non-sensical posts today. Perhaps it is time to have his head examined for sanity purposes.


Helio is one of the few sane among us.  Actually, Heilo is asking this of someone who thinks that I (Don, dorkmaster) wrote the script.  

The revelation of who wrote what will not happen until the year of the Dog.  

Don


Posted by: -Ben-, January 25th, 2006, 11:10pm; Reply: 32
Isn't Don allowed to write scripts? geez. it IS his messgae board.
Posted by: Mr.Z, January 26th, 2006, 7:50am; Reply: 33
This was really great, good job whoever you are. Many funny bits. The part when...

SPOILERS

...Phil talks to the camera followed by the author´s apologies is excellent; had me laughing for a while.

And the main idea, Don´s evil plan, while it´s very crazy, is quite good and makes a lot of sense for this kind of comedy.

A very nice read.
Posted by: Helio, January 26th, 2006, 9:23am; Reply: 34
quoted from Don

"Helio is one of the few sane among us.  Actually, Heilo is asking this of someone who thinks that I (Don, dorkmaster) wrote the script."  

That's right, master. Now, g'me the orders, master I'll exterminate all of that insanes!
Posted by: Martin, January 28th, 2006, 3:09pm; Reply: 35

Quoted from Shelton
I think you are of the female persuasion.


Are you saying I write like a girl?

Haha, I thought yours was written by a woman too. Weird.

Thanks everyone. I'm glad you got a laugh out of it.

SPOLIERS



I can't take credit for the dialogue since most of it came from you guys, plus a couple of movie quotes that people either missed or didn't mention. When Andy reads this she'll probably recognise the last words she hears from a certain 80s classic.

I hope nobody was offended by this. I thought it was only fair that I killed everyone.

Thanks to Helio for the inspiration. I almost didn't enter but his comment about ninjas set the ball rolling.

Seems like most people guessed it was me. I'll try and be more cunning next time.

Posted by: Heretic, January 28th, 2006, 3:14pm; Reply: 36
It's your description, Martin...

As soon as I looked at the first page, I knew it was you.  The two lines at a time of description, which always seem to go by so quickly yet say so much.    
Posted by: CindyLKeller, January 29th, 2006, 7:53am; Reply: 37
Martin? I thought Breanne wrote this for sure.
Posted by: Helio, January 29th, 2006, 9:15am; Reply: 38
Martin, Martin, Martin! Thanks a lot served you as inspiration! Welcome, buddy!
Posted by: Andy Petrou, January 29th, 2006, 9:33am; Reply: 39
......"Ferris Bueller's on line 2!"  ;D LMAO!

Oh. My. God. This was sooooooooooooooooooooooo funny. Too funny. I need to re-read it cos it's that good funny. Wow. I'm very impressed, Martin.

Hee-hee, thanks for my cameo, oh my godness, you remembered my OCD with door handles of the world. Big points for that, and I still have this issue now. Even last night, I was inside my house, before bed, lifting the handle 30 times. I have issues. I need help. However, camping in a tent didn't phase me. Zip-zip, and I was outta there. Go figure.

Anyway! This was a very easy read. It had a nice fast pace and you captured many of the regulars' online personalities, and a few offline ones too. Very well done.

Loved the storyline, loved the dialogue and think you merged the western theme nicely with the forum parody stuff.

No flaws to be found and dammit, I wish I could write this well.

Now I'm off to see a man about a trunk that needs replacin'....

Wiggle, wiggle, weeeeeee was it funny! :D

Andy xxx
Posted by: The boy who could fly, March 15th, 2006, 2:50pm; Reply: 40
This was pretty funny, it kept me laughing(I hope it was supposed to be funny).  this was kinda like a western kill bill, lots of chopped of heads and such.  I liked the talking decapitated head at the end, that was probably my favorite part.  great stuff.  keep up the good work.
Posted by: W, March 18th, 2006, 8:37am; Reply: 41
I enjoyed reading it, not much to say that hasn’t been said.

This short needs a little more dialogue especially with Breanne and Helio’s characters since they are main characters and Don needed a scene or two at the beginning, usually when a character is revealed so late they don’t pack as much shock value as they would if we actually knew them.

But the story was pretty funny; I wasn’t really sure what was going to happen until it happened. The Ninja was a nice touch, gotta love ninjas.

You probably could have had the decapitated heads annoying Don with questions before Helio came after him, that would have been hilarious.
Posted by: doowop, March 19th, 2006, 3:44pm; Reply: 42
let me see if i understand. the great brain robbery  is not availaable for reading because you,re behind posting to the site. how did all these people already read it and comment on it?????  or do i not understand  how to get to the material. i tryed every which way to bring it up but no go.  help!!!!!
Posted by: bert, March 19th, 2006, 3:55pm; Reply: 43

Quoted from doowop
let me see if i understand. the great brain robbery  is not availaable for reading because you,re behind posting to the site. how did all these people already read it and comment on it?????  or do i not understand  how to get to the material. i tryed every which way to bring it up but no go.  help!!!!!


The file opens fine.  Just checked.  It's a funny script, too.  Go to Don's first post and click on the title of the story itself -- in bold -- that's the link to the story.

Can you open a PDF file?  That might be another problem.  If you don't have the reader it's free just google it and you can get it in a coupla' minutes.

You should use less punctuation.  It reads like you are yelling.
Posted by: Martin, March 19th, 2006, 6:29pm; Reply: 44
Thanks for the reads, guys.

doowop, you should be able to open the file if you have Adobe Reader, as Bert says it's a free download. I'm not sure you'll find it all that funny unless you know some of the regular posters on this forum. It's a parody of Simply Scripts.
Posted by: dmackbone21, July 20th, 2006, 9:15am; Reply: 45
Nice spoof. A bit odd, yet, unusually zany. I love the saloon scene where you're talking about the "fastest gunslinger in the west" and then in the very next scene, instead of people dying from bullet wounds, they die because their heads get chopped off with a sword. Very creative!

My only complaint would be some of the dialogue. That may need to be cleaned up a bit, ex. p3-while at the bar "Wow, you are a genius." That sounds kind of lame given the situation surrounding him.

Good work

Doug
Posted by: Martin, July 20th, 2006, 10:37am; Reply: 46
Thanks for the read, Doug.

I agree with your point on the dialogue. This script was kinda rushed together for the one week exercise. In my defence, most of the dialogue is lifted directly from posts on this forum.

I doubt I'll be rewriting this, it was just a bit of fun.

Glad you enjoyed it.
Posted by: CindyLKeller, March 31st, 2014, 11:52am; Reply: 47
Just downloaded this to my phone so I can read it on my lunch.
It's one of my favorite OWC scripts on this site, and I was thinking about it the other day.
Posted by: Angry Bear, March 31st, 2014, 12:17pm; Reply: 48
That was a good one, Cindy! I remembered it too even though it's been since -06 or something. I was new here then, but I remember loving reading about the SS characters. Ah, sometimes I miss those old days.  ;D
Posted by: CindyLKeller, April 6th, 2014, 5:44pm; Reply: 49
Yep, that was a good read just as I remembered it.

I surely miss those days....
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