Criminal Mind by Helio J. Cordeiro & Si Dunn - Short, Crime,  Adventure - An escaped prisoner thinks he has gotten away with murder, until an unexpected situation makes him pay for his crime.  11 pages - pdf, format 8)

Hey, Tomson, George and everyone Don fixed it. Save Don!

Helio, Si,

Thought I'd give this a quick read before I hit the sack. I really liked it, it could even be one of my favourite Helio scripts. Great imagery with the vine leaf throughout. An easy read, very visual, and a nice twist at the end.

Not much else to say.

Good work!

Dear Helio,

The format on this one seem to be good, you're getting better and better.

SPOILERS:

I like the Vine Leaf reference throughout the script.

A 10 year old Italian girl calling out for "mom"? How about Mama or something.

A didn't like Nino killing the girl and the mother, but you probably wanted us to dislike Nino. I just don't like seeing kids killed, gets me real fired up.

Nino's quite a drinker! I think if I consumed several bottles of wine I'd passed out somewhere. Probably somewhere I shouldn't be.

"A fiftyish tub of lard" I like that description.

I like how "Don" gives the "Chosen" a big party before killing them, prostitutes and everything.

I do think Nino is hitting the wine way to much though. I feel numb just thinking about it.

I think it's funny how Nino tries to convince the "thugs" that he is one of the Chosen and ultimately that's what's kills him.

This was nicely written Helio, I do believe you are getting better and better.

Now, about that Brazilian proposal, ... I'm still thinking about it.
;) 8)

Hey Tomson, thanks a lot!

I think Nino is a...you know, he maybe said the sentence under my replys " I never made a friends drinking milke" I think he is some  Jack Sparrow's relatives. Just between you and me who want to be a friend of a crap like Nino, who?

I'm not feel well writing about a child been killed. I didn't show it, did I? No! Anyway thanks for your kind words...

PS: sometimes i think that to become better and better could be mine ruin.

Me too i dont laked the death of 10 year girl (but i think it was suggested by the vine leaf's presant in the script wich i think was very nicely done, and to make Nino very bad and unplesant man) otherwise it was interesting story with easy read. A nice short screenplay.

Hey, Helio -- don't you have a story up called "Vine Leaf" or something like that?  I seem to remember that one from a while ago.  Was that you?  Is this a reworking of that old story?

Thanks  datha for your review!

Hey Bert, yes it is. The old title antecipated the end, so therefor I decide to change the title for new one.

Helio

Great job! Your writing skills are masterful.

Spencer