A Tragedy in Tijuana by C. M. Albrecht - Short - A free-spirited woman spends a couple of nights in Tijuana where her carefree lifestyle turns abruptly tragic.  Based on real events. 22 pages - pdf, format 8)

i think to many things too far apart a fine story tighten it up

I might just tighten up story descritptives, page 3,"crowded. wear ear plugs". Dancers gyrate around firemans pole on stage surrounded by hungry men. This sounds like there's a stripping buffet.
Page 9, INT. LIVING ROOM that whole argument scene doesn't make sense.
Nice little story though. The only thing I have issue with is the descriptions. Some are great, then the next sentence is just blah.




http://www.simplyscripts.com/scripts/PrefaceToPain1.pdf