The Perfect Couple - Print Topic

Posted by: Don, January 14th, 2009, 11:09pm

The Perfect Couple by Karen (kalyhan) - Comedy, Romantic Comedy - Sometimes, only your best friend can help you realize you’re about to marry the wrong guy. As an added bonus, your best friend may just happen to be the right guy. 116 pages - pdf, format 8)

Posted by: Xavier, January 18th, 2009, 7:46pm; Reply: 1

Hey, Kalyhan, I thought that this script was a heartfelt story that was well told between the characters. The beginning was a bit long but the script was very good. Keep up the good work.

Good Luck in the future,

Xavier

Posted by: bryan00009, January 20th, 2009, 9:26pm; Reply: 2

Uh, improper line spacing, light (Courier New?) font, huge blocks of description filled with unfilmable or irrelevant information, way too many parentheticals (why do I have to keep writing that?), a short script (times out to about 79 minutes), typos (eg. midday is one word), improper page breaks (leaving the character's name dangling) ... to name a few.

If you were planning to enter any contests or have any idea about catching the attention of anyone with this script, you'll have to make it look a lot more professional than this.

As for the story, I didn't read too far but I'm guessing it has something to do with a platonic relationship between a man and woman that turns romantic. It's an interesting premise even if it has been done before. The opening dialogue seemed slow and cliched. The first few pages are the most important so I would work on something that's going to catch people's attention.

http://www.oscars.org/awards/nicholl/scriptsample.pdf

Posted by: sniper, January 21st, 2009, 2:20am; Reply: 3

Quoted Text

Jack & Clarise have been best friends since college. They talk about everything. Jack and Clarise are also next-door neighbors. They share a morning coffee ritual on their adjoining balconies.

That's just about the most non-selling logline I've ever read. A logline should really be an appetizer for the script. Think of it almost as a trailer. You have to hook the readers right away.

Posted by: kalyhan (Guest), February 6th, 2009, 7:48pm; Reply: 4

Thanks for all the feedback. It IS appreciated! I guess I will have to edit it accordingly.

I can write just about anything except a logline. I realize it should catch the reader's attention, but for some reason, it seems difficult to me to write a small line or two from an entire script or book or anything really.

Any ideas?