Things Can Get Hairy by Steve McDonell (stevie) - Short, Comedy - The fur is flying in London tonight...4pages A WOL script - pdf, format 8)

Stevie,

This was pretty funny.  Sort of an odd assortment of images to go with the lyrics.  You kept it light-hearted, except of course for Jim getting his lungs ripped out.  But hey, it was in the song.  I'll forever remember this script as the first time I heard the phrase "toffee nosed twats."

I think Ryan nailed it. Very light writing, clever even.

Stevie, you have an almost cavalear way of geting to the point and doing it in a way that is very enjoyable to read.

Shawn.....><

Stevie, you old goat...this is funny, and well done for the most part.

A bit confusing with the shifting sets and apparent lack of time lapse, but I guess I don't know if days were passing by or not...were they?

Biggest issue I have is some of your passages not being broken up properly at all, and running 5+ lines.  If you read through them again, I think you'll see obvious break points that would make this look and read much better.

Good take on the challenge though for sure, bud.  Well done!

Hi Ryan, Shawn and Jeff. Thanks for the read!

Yeah, I almost didn't do an entry for this challenge. but that classic song was one I remebered fonsly from my teenage years. So i googled the lyrics and just sort of dashed it off - took about 20 minutes.
The short by itself doesn't make much sense but in the context it works. i tried to imagine the lyrics as images and this was the result.

now I'm off to read the other new ones up! I wonder if Michael C could do some of these as machinmas one day?

Cheers all stevie

Stevie,

I loved the ending! I can tell you were inspired and had fun writing this. It comes across as a light, comedic touch just right for this piece! I like this style for you.

Gary

Stevie,

It looks like you were thinking along the same lines as I was with this challenge.  :)

You stayed at 4 pages, too. I got a few chuckels out of your script.
Good job in my opinion,

Cindy

Stevie

"Buy yourself some razors," was pretty funny.  There was a few others.  Glad to see you stayed within the 4 and 5 pages like the majority and didn't try and drag this thing out.

Nice job with this overall for the short time it took you to complete the challenge.

Ghost

Stevie,

just read your short. Not really sure what to say about it. Not much of a story going on here, but I guess there's only so much you can do when you are only allowed a few pages and have to use lyrics to a song. It wasn't bad or anything, but it didn't really make much of an impression on me either.

If I were you I would do what Jeff suggested and tighten up and break up some of your action paragraphs. Also try to use better verbs. Surely you can come up with a better description for "walks quickly".  Just nit picking.  :)

Hey Steve,

This was pretty good, I enjoyed this version.

When I got to the end I felt your story was the beginning of a music video.  Kinda like a Michael Jackson video.

As much as some of the paragraphs weren't broken up, I found it an easy read.

All the best,


Javier

Hi guys, thanks to all for the read.

Yeah, I see your point, Pia. i knew after writing it there was no story. The challenge requirements were sort of loose, I guess - use the lyrics. I was trying for a more visual approach as to how I pictured the song in my head. Javier makes a good point about likening it to a music video.
Sometimes this type of throw-away stufff just comes out for me; I get the inspiration, do it and its gone.

'hurries' instead of 'walks quickly'?

Only just realised there's an editing error in the last scene - the Werewolf should say, 'Welcome to Trader Vics' before asking warren if he wants a drink. I re-wrote that bit and forgot the exact lines.

Cheers all stevie

Hey Stevie,

A funny set of scenes for sure, good use of the lyrics as well but I'm having trouble spotting the actual story here though.

Where's it at, dawg?

Everything appears to be used here, and although a little bit light on the story, I think it still works.

I got a couple of laughs out of it, and the nod to Warren added some bonus points.

Quoted from sniper Hey Stevie, A funny set of scenes for sure, good use of the lyrics as well but I'm having trouble spotting the actual story here though. Where's it at, dawg?

Um, there isn't one!  Sorry Rob!

Mike, cheers man.