Hobos of London by Gary Rademan - Short - Two hobos tell the story of the Werewolves of London with an interesting prop. 5 pages A WOL script - pdf, format 8)

Yo, Gary, not sure how I missed this one last night...but then again, everyone seemed to miss it.

Can't say I really liked this one.  It paled in comparison to your other WOL script.

For me, the writing here didn't come across very fluidly.  Just had an odd feel to the whole thing.  The use of the lyrics was also rather weak, IMO, as you simply had a character reciting them.  The end was no big surprise, either, wit the head in the bag, although then going to a new hobo town was not expected...but it does leave me asking, "Why?"

It seems to be a serious, rather dark take on the idea (which I'm all for), but taken in context with everything, and the ending, I'm left kind of scratching my head.

Definitely not terrible in any way, but when I saw you had written a 2nd WOL script, I was expecting alot more.  Sorry...or maybe that's a good thing I was expecting more from you?

Anyways, good effort, bud!

Jeff, thanks for reading this. I agree, this was a darker piece and an off note attempt at the challenge. I wrote this one first in one sitting and then realized I could do better, so  I did. This is here, in interest of sharing our efforts, This one should have stayed in my portfolio of unposted works.

Gary

Hi Gary,

Can't say I care for this script either.  I think your other one was better than this.

The writing was odd and didn't quite flow as smooth as one would hope.

JT

Grademan,
You did clear all of the lyrics of the song. Great job! The opening scene was very clear and dicriptive.

A story told by the camp fire. The second part seems to get into a rythem regarding the lyrics as though you might know where the script is going.

I think you changed it up nicely at the end and IMO put together a really good story here. I'm just sorry it took me so long to get to it.

Good Job! I liked it.

Shawn.....><

Hm...I liked this one. I thought the fact that you kept mostly in one location made it better. It's too short of an assignment to have a LOT of scenes, locations and characters.

For whatever it's worth, it worked pretty well for me.  :)

Thansk guys!

JT
Another miss for you? No worries, maybe my next one will light your rocket..

SHAWN,
The opening was my favorite part! Glad you got into the story.

PIA,
I am happy this one worked well for you. I agree simple is better.


Gary