Shit Day by Michael Taylor (Qualeman4080) - Short, Comedy - A lottery at work that no one would want to be a part of. 5 pages - pdf, format 8)

Sorry Mike but, while the writing was well executed, the story itself made no sense to me.  Characterization was okay, given the length of the piece but, in the end, the whole thing fell flat.


Phil

Very sloppy read.  Your 1st passage reads like 3-d art sells... Shit.  You put (Continued) at the tops and bottoms of each page too.  Well, you don't but the software you unknowingly use does.  Toggle this worthless feature off.  Then you're putting (Pause) inset of a dialog chain... And not even in the right spot.  

You have 2 paragraphs that are 5 lines a pop.  Cut them down.

And as far as story goes...                                          (pause)

I don't get it.