Pre martial sex PSA by Corey Johnson - Short, Comedy - Two kids have a special guest talk them out of pre martial sex  - pdf, format 8)

I don't really know what to say this. Was this written to some specific course requirement or school assignment? It plays out like a cheesy 1960s safe sex message delivered to school children. Other than that or some religious message Im not entirely sure I see the point?

Yea I want to be fair when I write reviews, so I'll say that this is pretty bad.  The dialogue isnt even right for a spoof, and there is no puncuation. Michelle Obama being in it doesn't make it any funnier.  This is almost offensive, and I write offensive jokes all the time.

This was pretty awful, Corey.  At first, I thought you were trying to be campy.  Then I realized it was just awful.

This script might have meant something if Michele Obama spoke against pre-marital sex (maybe she has; I don't know), but it just seems like something that you wrote on the school bus on the way home from school one afternoon.  Typos and bad grammar only support this.


Phil

Read this, then wished I hadn't.

Too many red flags went unheeded by me.

Typo in the title "martial" should be "marital" I think.

Blank title page.

No FADE IN, no ages for cast, no descriptions, typo's all over...and I still went ahead and read it! Shite!

Anyway, I have a problem with writing about kids. Have to stay on this side of the line. I thought this one transgressed and I was left feeling disturbed, a little unclean.

That's just my humble opinion. Others may disagree.

Martin.

Well, I hate to jump on the bandwagon - but I have to admit this was pretty bad.  Same thing others have commented on...lack of punctuation, typos and cheesy dialogue.  I *actually* think that the Michelle Obama part could have worked (or maybe use Sarah Palin instead)...but only if written with a little more thought put into it, and snappy writing.

Meh, looks like the writer isn't around. He/she has plenty of input. Not gonna read it lest they show up.

James

It was suppose to be a joke were Michelle Obama speaks out against premarital sex by endorsing masturbation. I wrote it in 5 mins , and just wanted to see what people thought.

Quoted from cmac516 I...wanted to see what people thought.

Well, now you know.

Quoted from cmac516 I wrote it in 5 mins...

Unlikely -- but it does feel rushed.

Please put a little more effort into future submissions.  You should be putting up your best work, you know?

And (fyi) thanking your readers is always a nice thing to do.

Yeah, Bert knows what's up. Lol. =)

Gotta keep the apes in line. Like Rico Muerte.

Quoted from cmac516 It was suppose to be a joke were Michelle Obama speaks out against premarital sex by endorsing masturbation. I wrote it in 5 mins , and just wanted to see what people thought.

It fell pretty flat.  Sorry.  

Now read some scripts.


Phil

My man. ignore these ameuters, this was bloody brilliant. I kept on chuckling and chuckling until i burst into a fit of laughter.
Another reason to despise this community, a great script being slagged on. Short and sweet. Well done

Charming man

If you despise this site, Rick, why do you stay?


Phil

"Published screenwriter" haha.

What does that even mean?

I saw that, too.  I'm looking forward to reading some of his work.

You should introduce yourself, Rick.  I look forward to seeing your work.


Phil

In the info it says this is comedy?  I think you mis-labled its genre.  It should read, Pre-marital Sex PSA by Corey Johnson - Short, Garbage - Two kids have a special guest talk them out of pre-marital sex.  

Quoted from TheSecond In the info it says this is comedy?  I think you mis-labled its genre.  It should read, Pre-marital Sex PSA by Corey Johnson - Short, Garbage - Two kids have a special guest talk them out of pre-marital sex.

;D

Is it wrong that the script made me laugh? What's that other guy's name... Farrelly something. He makes me laugh too.

Quoted from TheSecond Pre-marital Sex PSA by Corey Johnson - Short, Garbage - Two kids have a special guest talk them out of pre-marital sex.

Great logline, Chris! ;D

You've enticed me in for a read now.

Steve

Corey hasn't visited this site in nearly a year, Steve.  Your comments will fall on deaf ears.


Phil

Quoted from charming man My man. ignore these ameuters, this was bloody brilliant

I know your a published screenwriter, poet and novelist, can you explain to me what an "ameuter"  is?....  Amateur :)   As in, you are obviously an amateur if you think this is brilliant.

Mark

Not gonna lie, I laughed at how ridiculous it was, although there's not much to it.

I noticed that Charming Man visits the site, practically every day, but he hasn't posted in about a week.  Makes me wonder...


Phil

This script reminds me of when I was younger; would write these all day and all night to show my English teacher.

Even if this was supposed to be a joke, it was a brilliant effort. Keep up the good work, I can see bright things ahead of you!