James vs Jon

- Logline: The horny wife of an optometrist finds a dead body in an apartment.

- Any genre

- Any MPAA rating

- under 5 pages


Vote for the one you like best.   Only votes for Jon or James scripts will count.  The author of the mystery entry will not move on.

A

FADE  IN:

EXT. VALUED VISION CLINIC - DAY

A rectangular one floor building. Parking for thirty cars. A
sign by the road VALUED VISION CLINIC. Two cars in the lot.

INT. VALUED VISION CLINIC - DAY

Receptionist desk in front. Eyewear for sale on the left.
Examining rooms on the right.

INT. EXAMINING ROOM ONE

RANDI LOCKER, 45, beautiful curves, sits in the patient's
chair. CLINT LOCKER, 48, muscular bulges, stands to the side.

Randi squints at the eye acuity chart.

RANDI
Nope. Can't read it.

Randi grabs Clint's waist.

RANDI
I'd rather do this.

She unzips his pants.

CLINT
Again?

Clint endures.

CLINT
You've got a problem.

EXT. VALUED VISION CLINIC

Randi swaggers to a parked sports convertible. She gets in and
adjusts her seat belt. She looks side to side, pulls out a
pair of thick eyeglasses, sheepishly puts them on.

EXT. APARTMENT COMPLEX

Randi parks her convertible in the slot labels 36D. She puts
her glasses in her purse.

INT. APARTMENT 36D

Randi enters. A luxurious, large bed sits in the living room.
A MAN, 30s, generous muscles, wears silk boxer shorts and lies
on the bed, stomach side down.

She strips off her skirt and top revealing a fit body. She
sits on the edge of the bed.

RANDI
No names.

She struggles to pull off the man's boxers. Randi lies on top
of him and mashes her pussy against his ass. She climaxes as
her arms extend in a push up. Her nipples at attention.

A doorbell rings.

MALE VOICE (O.S.)
Landlord. Anybody home?

A jingling of keys. The sound of a key in the lock. Two thumps
as the door opens and closes.

Randi's eyes scans the room. No place to hide.

Randi slithers off her partner and presents a view of her
crotch and breasts.

RANDI
You're not the landlord.

PHIL, 30s, six pack abs, appraises her nude body and smiles.

PHIL
He owes me a solid so he sent me to
collect the rent.

He points at his man bulge. Randi smiles.

She ignores her partner in bed as Phil drops his drawers.
Randi likes what she sees. Phil pushes her head down in rhythm
with his hips. Phil holds her head down for a long moment.

Phil moves towards the bed and notices the guy in the bed.

PHIL
Hey mister move over.

No reaction.

PHIL
(singsong)
And the big one said to the little
one: rollover.

Phil pushes on the man.

PHIL
He's dead. Oh man, oh man, did he have
a heart attack or something? Shit,
shit, shit.

Randi looks confused.

RANDI
He was participating well enough
before...

She realizes what happened. She stands up.

RANDI
I don't know him.

Phil's cell phone rings. He fetches it from his pocket and
holds it by his ear.

PHIL
It's for you.

RANDI
Hello...

DEEP VOICE (V.O.)
Admit it. You have a problem.

Randi looks around the room: Her clothes are on the floor, a
body in her bed, and a half naked man watching her.

RANDI
Who is this?

DEEP VOICE (V.O.)
Admit it.

Phil buckles his pants.

RANDI
I didn't do anything.

Phil grabs his phone. He ends the call and heads for the door.

A doorbell rings.

CLINT (O.S.)
Honey, it's me. You in there?

PHIL
Shit. Back door?

RANDI
We're on the third floor.
(to Clint)
Just a minute, baby.

The door opens. Clint walks in. Scans the room.

RANDI
You can't lock a door?

Phil shrugs.

CLINT
Randi, get your clothes on.

Phil ambles towards the door. Clint glares at him. Phil stops.

RANDI
It's not what you think...

CLINT
How do you explain this? I knew you
were horny but goddamn woman you got
to admit you have a problem.

Randi puts her clothes on. Defiant.

RANDI
You were on the phone? You knew about
this?!

Clint picks up her purse, retrieves her glasses and hands them
to her.

Randi takes them but won't put them on. Clint motions her to
put them on.

She puts the thick glasses on.

She inhales. A look of disgust on her face.

RANDI'S POV:

Phil pats his beer belly, the man on the bed has an impossibly
hairy back, and Clint's face splits in a buck tooth grin.

RANDI
I hate it when you make me wear my
glasses.

CLINT
Okay boys, thanks for your help. I owe
you each a free eye exam.

The hairy body on the bed gets up and yawns.

MAN
Nice back rub.

FADE OUT.

B

FADE IN:

INT. APARTMENT BEDROOM - DAY

Clothes are strewn about the floor. ELI, 42, lies in bed naked. He stares at the ceiling with a wide-eyed, crazed look.

ELLEN, 46, enters from the bathroom wearing only a slip.

ELLEN
Thanks for the fuck, darling. But, seriously, you need to get going.

Ellen sits down at her vanity. She stares past her reflection as she fixes an earring.

ELLEN
Eli, I’m not kidding. Marcus gets off in an hour.

Ellen gets up and approaches the bed. She grabs Eli by his shoulder and shakes him.

ELLEN
Eli?

She checks his wrist for a pulse. She jumps back and covers her mouth.

ELLEN
Oh my god, no.

She rushes to the bedroom door and flings it open.

Marcus, 52, stands in the doorway. He wears thick glasses and a lab coat. He stares at her with a vacant gaze.

ELLEN
Marcus? How long have you...

MARCUS
Long enough.

He steps towards her. She backs up.

ELLEN
I can explain... I’m so sorry. I think he needs an ambulance.

MARCUS
An ambulance can’t help him.

Marcus reaches for a purple pill bottle on the vanity.

MARCUS
Its one thing to get away with screwing another man’s wife. But, its a grave decision to steal his Viagra.

ELLEN
Marcus, what did you do?

MARCUS
I made everything right again. I removed him from the equation.

Marcus pulls a pistol out of his pocket. Ellen begins to cry.

ELLEN
Why do you have a gun?

Marcus runs his thumb down her cheek. Stops a tear in its tracks.

MARCUS
You have the most beautiful eyes. I’ve never seen such blue in an iris before. Perfect. I would have never thought they could deceive me so.

ELLEN
Please, Marcus, you’re scaring me.

Marcus pulls a metal spoon from his coat.

MARCUS
I want you to dig them out.

He drops the spoon at her feet.

ELLEN
Have you gone mad?

Marcus laughs.

MARCUS
You know, I believe I have. I just want to keep them safe. In a little jar in my desk. That way, I know they can’t betray me ever again.

Marcus cocks back the hammer of his pistol. Ellen drops to her knees.

ELLEN
Please, you can’t possibly make me do this.

Marcus raises the gun to her forehead.

MARCUS
I’m ready to die. Are you?

Marcus kicks the spoon in her direction.

MARCUS
Begin.

Ellen grabs the spoon with a shaky hand.

ELLEN
Please? Don’t do this. I love you.

MARCUS
Its the only way I can ever trust you again. If I can’t have you, nobody will.

Ellen holds the spoon up to her face. She grits her teeth.

ELLEN
You’ll let me live?

Marcus nods. Ellen closes her eyes and takes a deep breath.
She stabs herself above her right eye. She SCREAMS.

CUT TO BLACK:

INT. APARTMENT LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

Ellen sits in the dark with a pair of shades on. A door opens off screen.

SUPER: “TWO WEEKS LATER”.

MARCUS (O.S.)
Honey, I’m home.

A fridge door opens and shuts. Marcus walks in and turns on a light. He drinks from a carton of milk.

ELLEN
How was your day, darling?

MARCUS
It was good. I made you some new glasses today.

He removes Ellen’s shades. He puts a pair of oversized sunglasses over her sunken eyelids.

The word “CHEAT” is written on one lens in white. The word “WHORE” is written on the other.

ELLEN
How do I look?

MARCUS
Perfect.

Marcus smiles. He takes another drink of milk.

He taps a glass jar that sits on an end table. A pair of perfect blue eyes float in formaldehyde.

BATHROOM

Marcus enters and turns on the light. Three pill bottles sit in the sink. A familiar purple bottle is missing its top.

ELLEN (O.S.)
I hope you don’t mind. I couldn’t read the labels, so I put them all in your milk.

Marcus stares at the carton in his hand. He drops it. Milks gushes out over the tile floor.

His knees tremble. He falls to the floor.

MARCUS
What did you do?

Marcus grabs his throat. He begins to choke. Ellen appears in the doorway.

ELLEN
Its one thing to murder your wife’s lover and make her carve out her eyes. But, its a grave decision to think she won’t get her revenge.

MARCUS
You... Bitch.

ELLEN
Yeah, I’ll see you... In hell.

Marcus doubles over. Ellen turns off the light.

FADE TO BLACK.
THE END.

C

FADE IN:

EXT. OFFICE COMPLEX - EVENING

The sidewalk outside a flash office complex, downtown. The night hums with life.

BEATRICE, late 30s, steps out through the building's sliding doors, a phone against her ear. It RINGS as she looks left, right, down the street.

A CLICK as someone picks up --

MALE VOICE (V.O.)
(from phone)
Hello?

BEATRICE
(into phone)
Honey, it's me. Listen, I just got outta there - the goddamn meeting ran way over.

MALE VOICE (V.O.)
(from phone)
Hey, no worries. So are you --

Beatrice checks her watch impatiently, looks again.

BEATRICE
(into phone)
No, that's the thing...I've left a bunch of papers in my office, and they need to be done tonight. I'm gonna have to swing by there and pick them up. I'm not gonna be back 'til really late...can you put the girls to bed? Is that okay?

MALE VOICE (V.O.)
(from phone)
Sure...

Beatrice spies a passing CAB, waves it down. It indicates, slows.

BEATRICE
(into phone)
I'm really sorry, hun. My stupid memory, huh?

MALE VOICE (V.O.)
(from phone)
Yeah. Stupid.

BEATRICE
(into phone)
Don't bother waiting up. I've got my key - see you later, okay? Love you.

The cab pulls up. Beatrice hangs up the phone. She reaches down, opens the door, climbs inside.

INT. CAB - CONTINUOUS

CAB DRIVER
Where to?

BEATRICE
221 Adams Street, please.

She shuts the door. The cab pulls off.

Beatrice looks down at the phone in her hand. She taps a few buttons,

ANGLE ON PHONE SCREEN:

on my way x

BACK TO SCENE

She hits 'send', then slips the phone into her pocket. She sits back, a hint of a guilty smile on her face.

EXT. OFFICE COMPLEX - CONTINUOUS

As the cab disappears into the night, the headlights of a parked car SNAP ON.

It indicates, then pulls out, headed the same way.

EXT. APARTMENT BUILDING - LATER

The cab pulls up outside a high-rise apartment block. The door opens, and Beatrice exits.

The cab drives off. Beatrice looks up, glances over her shoulder, then heads towards the entrance.

As she does so, she passes the PARKED CAR from earlier. She doesn't notice it.

INT. APARTMENT - NIGHT

The lights are all off, the place quiet.

KEYS turn in the lock, and Beatrice opens the door, stepping in from the corridor. Light spills in from outside. She looks into the gloom of the hallway, shuts the door behind her. She calls into the darkness --

BEATRICE
Jake?

No reply. She slides a hand along the wall, finds the light switch, flicks it on. No signs of anything being wrong...the place just seems empty.

Beatrice frowns.

BEATRICE
Jake?

She heads towards a door that leads to the --

BEDROOM

-- and opens it..

A FIGURE lies in the bed, its back to her.

BEATRICE
Sweetie?

No response. She smiles.

BEATRICE (CONTD.)
Oh, it's like that huh? You don't wanna come over here? Not even if I do this?

She starts to unbutton her shirt, slowly and seductively. She pulls it open, revealing the lacy bra underneath. Still no response.

BEATRICE (CONTD.)
What, am I gonna have to come over there and get your attention? Well, if that's what you want...

She sidles up to the bed, climbs on it, crawls over towards the sleeping figure. She reaches out, grips his shoulder, rolls him towards her...

...to find a CORPSE, its eyes gouged out and a bullet-hole at the center of its forehead. The sheets are stained deep red with blood.

Beatrice SCREAMS, recoils.

MALE VOICE (O.S.)
Hey, honey.

Beatrice whips her head round --

-- to find FRANCIS standing in the door. He holds a GUN in his hand.

Beatrice can't speak. She gasps for air, apparently about to puke.

FRANCIS
What's the matter? Surprised to see me? I'm surprised to see you...I thought you were heading back to campus?

Beatrice still can't find words. She looks back towards the bloody corpse.

FRANCIS
Yeah, I'm afraid Jake was surprised to see me, too. He seemed to know who I was, though. I suppose it's an animal thing - when the husband of the woman you've been fucking turns up on your doorstep, you just instinctively know it's a threat.

Francis weighs the gun in his hand. Beatrice looks back at him, wide-eyed.

BEATRICE
Is this...did you...?

FRANCIS
Kill him? Yes, I killed him. Took his eyes out, though. Man, it felt great to do that - I stare at those things all fucking day long, so it's actually really refreshing to see someone without any for a change. Ain't that right, Jake?

Beatrice can only stare at his handiwork. Francis laughs.

FRANCIS (CONTD.)
You know what I kept saying as I took them out? "Is that better, or worse, sir?" "Better, or worse?" If I had a nickel for every time I've said that...classic.

Beatrice turns back to him. She's crying.


BEATRICE
But why did you...?

FRANCIS
Why? Really? I should be asking you why. He's just a child, Bea! A fucking boy! You're his professor, there are rules! Rules of conduct, of...of decency - and rules of marriage, too! I'm sitting at home with the girls, and you're out here fucking him? A fucking affair?

BEATRICE
It wasn't - I didn't --

Francis stabs the gun at her.

FRANCIS
Don't. Just don't. You don't get to deny it. You don't get to fuck this boy, to throw everything we have, and then sit there in your fucking bra and deny it. Okay?

BEATRICE
I'm sorry...

FRANCIS
Was I not smart enough for you? Not intellectual enough? What, so you're a professor and this kid reads books, is that better? Than a job? A career? A family? How is that not worth more than him?

Francis is weeping now. Beatrice reaches out to him.

BEATRICE
Frank...

He swings the gun up again, desperation in his eyes.

FRANCIS
Don't you 'Frank' me. You're a dirty fucking liar. The best fucking liar I know. I know he's not the first, you've just gotten away with it before. Well, not this time.

His hands tremble as he tightens his grip around the trigger. Beatrice looks at him pleadingly.

BEATRICE
Frank...don't...

FRANCIS
Lie your way out of this one, bitch.

He swings the gun up, rams it up underneath his chin --

CUT TO BLACK

The BANG of a gunshot.

So, who's our mystery player? Nothings been revealed yet. I can't see it hurting by letting us in on it...

James

The reason I add a mystery player is because it's hard to guess who is who when there's three as opposed to two.  Not knowing who that third player is makes it even harder.

Boy am I glad nothing popped into my head for this one.  I only browsed through the logline the other night and didn't really commit it that great to memory, so at work yesterday all I thought about was what kind of story could I write with a horny dentist.

(Could've been a lot of fun with all the gasses and open mouths.)

See you guys after dinner.

Horny dentist?  It's horny eye doctor!

OK, my vote is for B.  It's the better written script.  I assume A is a joke entry, but I guess you never know.

IMO, both B and C were rather cliche, and the fact that each had basically the exact same plot/theme/story makes that pretty clear.  I was hoping for at least 1 of these to go fro something different, but, hey, that's cool.

I think both B and C were pretty well written, but B was much better technically as well as creatively.  There was just alot more going on in B and it wasn't as predictable as C was.

Good job to all 3!

All 3 are good.  B and C were pretty similar; I think for C it would have been better to show the professor/student thing than tell it.  Would have set it apart.  B took a slightly more freaky approach by showing the violence (though the "cheat" and "whore" were pushing it IMO).  

But I'm voting for A.  I thought it was funny, clever, and I think took the more unique approach to the logline.  

I've only read A so far. I thought it was pretty cheesy. Starting with the name Randi... It picked up towards the end though.

I'll read the others soon. Got things to bake, carpet to clean and the beer is flowing. ;D

Liked B better than A. It was a bit over the top, but also more sinister. What were the purple pills? Viagra? Didn't know you could die instantly from those. I would have preferred a massive erection that lasted for days before he finally died.

C was alright just a tad too talky. Telling us the situation instead of showing.

My vote goes to B.

It's pretty close, actually. It's between A and C, for me. Not sure which one yet.  B was just a bit silly, I thought. Didn't really like the idea of the eyes being gouged out and it lacked the humour of A to escape criticism for its shady ending. There was a moral to the story wrapped up in it, though.

A was pretty funny and C was well-written but definitely in need of more visual work. To my mind, I am framing the best one in terms of what would work best as a 5 minute filmed short and it's definitely A or C on that count.

Will ponder before voting.

And I'm going for C. It would work very well if directed very gritty; and Francis gave a powerful performance.

Tossing up between A & B. I like both.

Few things: apparently the general consensus is that most Nymphomaniacs are aged in their forties - must have something to do with the Cougar thing.

Also, (no offence to the writer of A) but proof here that it is very difficult to write 'sex scenes'. Liked the reference to the apartment door number 36 C.

Reason C is not in the running for me, is that it took way too long to get to the story.

Okay, my vote's for B just for the fact that this log-line really cries out for something awful to happen in an ocular way i.e. a dangling eyeball - and the gouging scene (even if a tiny bit silly) came closest to that... and the 'whore' and 'cheat' thing was kinda nice visually so...

Oh, and she gave him his just desserts in the end. Wow, is really hard to write in such a short time, gave it a go myself. More log-lines come up like this I would be interested in partaking. Well done to all the participants.

I went for B on this.

A was the more funnier one, though.  I liked how Randi was described as beautiful curves and then she goes to apt. 36D.  Even the way she parks her car, ('pulls into slot 36D').  Put a nice image in my head of some boobie lovin'.  Pretty sexual story... I'm surprised I didn't vote for it.

B was the best written.  And in that, I don't mean to praise it, it still had weaknesses, (i.e.: dialogue), but the descriptions read a little more easier than the other two.  And, I think it was a little more grittier.  I love gritty.

C was good, but B read better for me.

- Mark

Very close call here.  Given that logline, I'm surprised only one of the scripts veered toward humor.  Out of all the loglines so far, this was the one that offered the most potential for comedy, IMO.

A.

I liked how this one started.  The horny broad who apparently will hop on anything that appears in her apartment.  Even some hairy-backed dude she's never seen before who happens to be lying face down in her bed.  Wow, that's horny.

But, I just don't feel like the story capitalized on its setup.  It had a couple funny moments, but never went for all out laughs.  Seemed like a missed opportunity.  I didn't really understand the point that Clint was trying to teach his wife, either.  And one major problem here...there was no dead body!  I know Phil tried to tell her that the guy was dead, but that doesn't cut it.  Script would have been funnier with an actual dead body.

B.

I think B was technically the best written of the bunch.  Descriptions were crisp and the pace moved right along.  I'm not sure how the guy died at the beginning.  Was the viagra poisoned?  That was unclear.  The woman seemed almost a little too willing to spoon out her own eyes.  I wonder if it might have worked better if he knocked her out and then she wakes up with no eyes.  A few lines were square on the nose:

ELLEN
Its one thing to murder your wife's lover and make her carve out her eyes. But, its a grave decision to think she won't get her revenge.

The ending was okay, as the guy gets what's coming to him.  But, why oh why did this have to end with the dreaded "see you in Hell" line?  Oof.  But overall, a pretty solid piece.

C.

I think C did the best job of capturing the betrayed husband's rage at his wife.   But I think the story could have been set up better.  I had no idea the husband and wife were college professors until the end.  So why start this at an office complex instead of a campus?  Too many facts were delivered by way of expositional dialogue.  The fact that they were teachers, the dead guy was her student, etc.  The "no worries" line makes me wonder if this was written by an Aussie.

Also, I just didn't buy the ending.  The guy caught his wife cheating, so he blows his own brains out?  Is that really revenge?   He's a college professor with a good job and two kids, so I simply couldn't buy that ending.

So, this a really tough call.  All the scripts had their moments, and I know its not easy to whip these stories up in two days.  I wanted to vote for A, but I really wish it went for more laughs.  C was decent, up until the end, but I'm gonna have to go with B here for its gruesome imagery.


    

I had to put some thought into this round.
Which is why I waited until I sobered up to read them.

A - I was pleased to see a humorous take, that's what I thought when I read the logline.
     It was decent but never really took the ball and ran with it. Much like the fake body.

B - Easiest read of the three. Sharp vile imagery was muddied by the pill business.    
     Tread very familiar territory, but got through it pretty well overall.

C - Strikingly similar to B, but with less humpy and more talky.
     I preferred C until the excessive exposition climax undermined the tale.

My vote goes to B. I felt overall it was the most well rounded package.

Best joke goes to A, 36D apartment, classy. :P

E.D.

These are very similar in level, story, dialogue and action a  tad clunky in all of them.

A is a comic look at the horny wife’s problem but the body didn’t stay down.

B is a well written story of a vengeful husband who falls victim to his wife’s revenge. Loved the visual of the glasses and the handwritten signs. Had to suspend belief that the pain of missing eyes wouldn’t disable/kill the wife.

C is also a well written story of a vengeful husband who takes his own life. Again someone’s eyes are missing. Loved the “better or worse” lines.

I choose C.

I can't really buy into any of A. Nothing wrong with the writing though, which is effective.

Clearly it's meant as humor, as it isn't even remotely plausible, even with the most generous suspension of disbelief. The question is, is it funny? I don't know, maybe with the right actors. Perhaps with more time to develop the story, build some more one liners in. Hell, if we're going to go this far, she should be willing to hump a guy with a dead guy in the bed next to her. Maybe that could be funny, especially if he wakes up and grabs her, and she does not react in shock, but in further arousal. She could be like, "don't just lie there dead, do something!" Or maybe "I hope one part of you is still stiff!"

I kind of wonder if one of the writers sent in two stories, and A was a quirky experiment. Maybe A and B are the same author?

B was the best written I think. And I really liked the optometrist's obsession with her eyes. That really fits, seems like plausible horror. I had two problems, both mentioned above. I didn't know what the pills were(I liked the joke about the viagra a lot; seemed very realistic). I guess he just slipped some poison in knowing the guy would steal them. Very plausible. But why does he leave the poison around after? Where his blind wife can find it? That's kind of a big flaw. Actually, I think you should end this without killing him, and get rid of the stunt where he has the message on her glasses. Things should be normalized with them: she is still horny, except now she is blind, and it's harder to cheat. And he still has the eyes he loves so much, except in a jar.

The other issue with B is the eye gouging. I actually wrote a story myself a couple months ago, not posted, where people are forced to remove one of their own eyes. It's definitely tough to create the kind of believable threat that would make someone do that. In this case, I do think she would beg more. Her husband would have to really make his threat of killing her seem believable and immanent.

C is pretty visual, the dialogue is well done, and it's pretty emotionally sharp. I had no problem with him killing himself. Rational? No, of course not. But he's in a crazed state of mind. He's facing jail anyway after what he did. Killing himself gets him out, and is a further revenge on his wife, who might now be saddled with guilt.

There is something missing from C though. I mean just that there isn't enough there. I know it's only 5 pages and 2 days, I just think there needs to be one more thing, I don't know what, to at least make a story here. Right now all you have is a lady cheating on her husband in a very unoriginal way, he knows about it, kills the guy, confronts his wife, kills himself. There's nothing, no image or plot event, that would make one remember this story.

How bout something weird? Like Jake was not her lover, but a son from a previous relationship, which she kept secret? the husband assumed, because his wife is so horny, and was wrong?

I don't know. Maybe something else. C could definitely work, just needs one more something.

Tough call between B and C. Comedy is hard, so A dropped off for me. If there was a round two, I suspect C could add something that would bring it to the top, but as they are: B

Well, it looks like B has the lead.  Are we ready to find out who wrote what?

I'll say James wrote A, Jon wrote B and C may have been written by an Aussie.

Probably wrong on all counts, but those are my guesses.

It says JonnyBoy voted.  Is that the same Jon who participated or a different one?

Quoted from greg It says JonnyBoy voted.  Is that the same Jon who participated or a different one?

Yeah, I cracked and voted. :) I think the outcome of this one is clear...I'm ready to own up if Michael will allow?

Ok and the answer is...

A - Gary (grademan)
B - James (jwent)
C - Jon (jonnyboy)

So James continues on...  Well done James and everyone else too for that matter.  

Who's gonna take on James next?

A big well done to James! A clear and deserved winner.

Nice to see that some people struggled to choose between the scripts...but in my mind B was the best by a fair chalk.

Like I said...wrong on all counts.  Good going, James.

James. Congrats * I guess your apology re a steaming turd of an entry was a little early.

Jon, very cool of you to vote for James. I liked your “better or worse” line because of the tie in to wedding vows. If that was intentional or not, kudos.

Thanks for being good sports about my first attempt at a sex and comedy script. I’m glad the 36D pun seemed to work.

Congrats, Mr. Went and all of you for getting something in. And kudos to Mike for running a great challenge.

Who did you vote for, Barton?!

Quoted from Andrew Who did you vote for, Barton?!

Oh, myself, Allen. Of course. Very sweet of Gary to think I'd do otherwise, but I'm just not that good a person.

Thanks for the vote, btw. ;)

Congrats, Cleveland!  That was not a steaming turd, IMO at all.

Jonny, you seriously voted for yourself?  I hope not...

Gary, as you know, funny stuff...loved the exposes her tits and bush part.

I guess I'll give it one more go. I'm very surprised. I thought gary's had the potential to win it if He set up that ending a little better. I thought most of the writing itself was all on par for all three scripts.  Every thing about this logline screamed for comedy, i just couldn't come up with the story. Thanks to all who read and voted.

James