Quoted Text Kruger finds an area he feels comfortable enough to urinate. He does his thing with a stupid smile on his face. Adriaan clocks him, and his dumb ass grin. He pays close attention to the decrepit fuck. He notices something... his KNIFE is hanging from his belt. As Kruger "jiggles", wrapping up his bathroom break, before he can even zip up his pants... Adriaan stands ready behind him. In one smooth motion, Adriaan... snatches the dangling knife... buries it into the slave catchers back, while covering his mouth. |
Quoted Text Bottom line... he got fucked up real bad. |
Quoted Text In other words, he's not quite sure what to do |
Quoted from 13thChamber What do you think is the best way to cut the scene to make it shorter? Some of it redundant. Just cutting out those alone would work. This is your script not mine. So please keep that in mind. But if it were me...this is what I wouldn't have in here and why. This is the particular passage I was talking about. The two struggle Strikeout#1... A bit is just taking up space IMHO. Strikeout#2... we know the chains is connected to his shackles. So IMHO, no need to repeat that. Any words you can cut then you should. Fancy is one of them. Remy's eyes narrow, tears begin to fall as he struggles to breath. Adriaan breaths aggressively. I started to strike this line, mainly because if two people are in a fight to the death, which they are... chances are they will be breathing hard. IMHO it's a give me. You've got to realize the audience is pretty smart and so are the producers who make the movies. (But I use the term smart, loosely for the latter). If I were watching this particular scene play out on the screen... I'd know why he was doing it and so would they. Even without... for more leverage in your short, I'd still know why Adriaan did it. I believe in... short and to the point. But this is just Ghost and my thought process when I'm writing. If you like it the way it is... then keep it. Remember screenwriting is very subjective. I usually cling to details and tend to have to catch myself so I don't go over board on description. I think we all do. As for the "N" word, I felt the use was necessary as that's how African slaves were referred to back then. I know it makes people uncomfortable, and if I offended you or anyone, I'm sorry, but it is what it is. nope, didn't offend me. I get it. Just making an observation. If you could or have the time, can you direct to me one of your scripts? No need to return the read, but if you'd like... Sam Houston (short) lookout for it when it gets posted. |