Hayden's Story by Brian Allan (Btaylor1484) - Short, Thriller, Drama - An obsessive young author loses the ability to distinguish his real life from his fiction he's created. 12 pages - pdf, format 8)

Hey Brian,

I’m sure I’ve seen this one posted before?

Anyway, there are lots of problems straight away for me starting with the title page. Notice a lot of camera directions, awkward descriptions and this:

“Hayden's voice-over begins:” Then going into the voice over dialogue? I’ve never seen this.

Are you around for feedback?

Read some scripts on here, you’ll be amazed at how much you’re learn by just reading other scripts and leaving comments or even asking questions.

Good luck and keep writing. :)

Steve

Yeah - I'm pretty sure this has been around before in a different guise - might be wrong though.

Not too sure that this is the best line to put in a screenplay:

              HAYDEN
Yeah, I write books. Don’t insult
me and call me a screenwriter. I’d
never jump on that band wagon.

I'd echo Coop on this one - there's a lot of problems. Potential for a story yes, but needs some ironing out.