John by Joshua Good - Short, Drama - Dealing with the loss of his wife, John must conquer his past in order to set an example for his traumatized son.  - txt, format 8)

Joshua,

Hope you show here. I read this. PDF is the way to go when submitting this. Your format on this is absolutely haywire. Maybe something in the translation, I don't know. But not many folks will read this the way it is. There are free software available. They say to try Celtx or Trelby.

Anyway, your action blocks read more like a novel. You have many unfilmables here. Remember to write only what the camera can actually see. If you need to tell us something, let your characters do it. Or show us some other way. Show don't tell.

Your dialogue got a bit wordy, but otherwise was fine. I'd say that was the strong point of this piece. You had pretty interesting subject matter going here, but it feels like it definitely needed some closure. The way it ends is ironic, but where does it leave is? What of Harris? John? A lot of unanswered questions made this feel very incomplete.

I'd have another go at this one as I feel it does have potential. It def needs to be formatted properly. The best advice isntonread some other scripts on the site and get a feel for how they are written, and how they convey with words what we see on the screen. You'll find a lot of good examples if you look around.

Good luck!

Steve

Hi Joshua

Very engaging piece. I read from start to finish and enjoyed it quite a lot. Also liked the ending a lot. Sometimes we give advice to ourselves that revenge is never a good thing, but when the opportunity finally presents itself, sometimes the anger is too much that you have to seize that opportunity. Definitely learnt a lot about John's character.

A suggestion...not really a big deal, but I would suggest a different title for your script. Something that sheds some light on the emotional content of this piece. I think 'John' is a tad too bland for a title...but again, not a big deal at all.

Great job, Joshua.

-Silva Sly-