Dogs by Julian Austen - Thriller - A burned-out CIA agent tries to bond with his estranged, teenage daughter in an amusement park, when an old assignment comes back to haunt him. - pdf, format 8)

From writer:

Hi, I’m new to this side. Would really like to hear your comments and I’m ready to read some of your scripts.

Have a nice day

I read the first ten pages.   Engaging.  You have a unique voice.  'Bout all I can say for now.

Julian,

I think your story suffers from way too many characters in the beginning. I have trouble latching on to anyone in particular. Way too many fight details.  I know you have some unimportant characters and that fine,  but this needs some fleshing or simplified editing.

Gl with the script
Tony
Ps.  Logline needs  proofing too.  

Hey, thanks to the both of you.

@Caleb - Thanks for the compliment and I hope it can capture your attention to the end.

@ToniDionisio - I don’t like to explain my scripts. If the story didn’t capture your interest, it either isn’t for you or I have to work on it. I appreciate your comment and I will definitely take a look at it. Thanks.