Your logline puts me in mind of a Tom Sharpe novel. You've got a couple of typo's in your first couple of pages.
Ferrates when it should be ferrets. Interestingly, ferrates is actually a word.
Code Howard leans stooped shoulder against the office wall... |
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Reads awkwardly. Maybe... ah feck it, like this: Howard leans, shoulder stooped, against the wall.
Omit 'office' as it is already in the slug.
Code Mid 30s, with everyday, middle-guy looks. |
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Not good enough. I like the later description where you describe him as being shabby. I find that far more interesting than middle-guy... whatever that actually means.
If you're around and make a post I will read your entire screenplay.